Love at 15 and 21
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I have been talking to my sweetie since the end of August of this year.. that is when we first started talking. During the summer I went up to where I used to live to swim and that is when we meant.. the first time I saw her she was in the pool and something just clicked and I knew she was a sweetie and I liked her then (I Don't believe in love at first site tho).
After summer was over she went back to school. I thought I would never talk to her again but I was lucky and her friend gave me her email address and we have been talking online and on the phone ever since! Things are going great and we have so much in common and we share everything together (I never felt this way before). Right now we are just very very close friends because that is the way she wants it and I am fine with that right now I respect her. The only thing is we never got to see each other since the summer and it is bugging me so much.
I recently moved back to where I used to live and I thought maybe we could see each other finally but that is not happening. I talk to her about it and she seems to not be as enthused as I am about the whole thing. And everytime I bring it up she seems to just ignore it. Don't get me wrong I would never want to stop talking to her but I would like to at least see her in person soon. She does go to school and I am out of school so she is busy during the weekdays.
And one more thing... she is 15 and I am 21.. yes I know it is a huge age difference but we both agree that age is just a number and we connected.. she is so mature and I am sort of a person that is young at heart lol. I also know that a serious relashionship with her is not going to happen right now because of my age and I understand that too.. I just would like to hang out and do stuff with her right now. So my question is why does she act like she doesn't want to see me? I think I know her enough that it would not be anything about age or anything like that. My guesses would be her parents? Or just something she doesn't want to tell me?
Well, there could be many, many reasons, and only she knows for sure which one it is :) So my first response would be that every relationship is based on honest communication. If she's acting a certain way and you want to know why, you should be asking her, and she should be telling you. That's one of the most important things that any two people can learn to do well.
If I had to just make a guess, I wouldn't lean towards the parent thing. If the parents were going to complain, they'd do so in the summer when you guys were together, not now when you'd only be seeing her occasionally. I would lean more towards the 'summer love' aspect. It's pretty common for people in the summer to have a laid back 'it's just for fun' attitude and just have fun. But when they're back in school, with their friends and in contact with people every day, they tend to look at dating differently. Now there are guys (or girls) they're with all the time that they want to date, and they want to date people they can go to the prom with or whatever. So dating becomes more "serious". It's the whole Grease thing :) Summer love is one thing, but really dating someone is another thing.
So it may be that she's fine with you being a friend, and was fine with you being a summer friend, but that as far as really seeing each other or dating, that she has other guys she has her eyes on. Again, only she w*ould know. Who knows, it could be some really bizarre reason. You need to talk to her and ask her.
In any case, it probably is wise to wait another 2-3 years before you seriously date. Girls from 15 to 18 are going through a TON of changes as far as what they want and need and look for in a relationship. But then they turn into adults, and as you know many 18-20 year old women end up dating and marrying guys 10 or 20 years older than them and it works out. Adults have common interests and desires ... but high schoolers aren't adults yet. They're not supposed to be. They just have different needs in life. Since marriage can easily last 60 years or more, the three years you guys put into developing your relationship now is the blink of an eye compared to that, if you do work out well.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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