She's Upset that I Yelled Back

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I just got out of a 4 month engagment with a girl I've known for 4 years, the relationship ended pretty badly. It's been 2 weeks since we've been broken up. While the argument was going on we said some things to each other we shouldn't have or didn't really mean, she said to me " since your father was never there for you while you where a kid that makes you a bastard." I came back at her with a comment like " well, since your sons father was really there for him that much that would make him a half bastard". I regret making that commment to her since now she doesn't really want anything to do with me.

The bad thing is that the next night after we broke up she told me if I wanted to really apologize and work things out I should write a letter saying that I was sorry for what I said. I agreed and it was 2a.m. in the moring and I figured I would suprise her with the letter and maybe get a chance to see her and talk. Well, I drove to her house and I got out of my car and noticed a light on in her house, naturally I looked in the window and seen a guy sitting on her couch. I was outraged, I dind't leave the letter instead I called her and flipped out, I called her a slut and everything but she kept saying they where just playing yatzee. Still doesn't sound right to me. The guy in her house looked familar, he was at a party 2 weeks prior and when she met him she told me he was cute, I didn't think anything of it since she was wearing my ring.

I'm trying really hard to get her back. I call her all the time. She told me she talks to that guy every day. She rarely calls me. And she told me that when that guy comes back because he's in Iraq in the military that he wants to date her. She told me she needs time away from me and space because she's hurt from what I've said about her son.

I really don't know what to do, I really like this girl but I don't know if she's playing games with me or what. Should I keep trying? Should I leave her alone? She calls me once every couple of days I don't call just to check up on me. I usually call everyday but I get frustrated from what's going on, thinking too much. When we do talk it's usually about what happened, I try to get back with her everytime we talk. I don't know what to do. Hopefully you could give me some advice since I'm new to this. Thank you very very very much Advice
She definitely is playing games. She's furious over one comment - that came after her own dig? She was playing Scrabble with a guy at 2am and this was "normal"? It sounds like she was already looking for a way out and she took the cowardly way out, i.e. to blame it on you instead of accepting what the real problems were.

I know it's hard to consider the breakup right now because you're in the middle of it. Give yourself time and read all my tips. Don't let her use you as a safety net.

-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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