In Love with my Best Friend
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
I am in love with my best friend. We have been friends for a long time, almost 4 years. She is very beautiful and has a great personality and we have a lot in common and we always hang out together. She likes hugs, but I have seen her hugging other people, so it's not something special... She says she loves me, but I don't think she loves me more then a friend. I always get a great pain when I don't see her. I would like to go out with her but I am afraid our friendship would be ruined and afraid of being rejected. What do I do?
You're in a very common situation, and have a very common (and well founded) fear. On the bright side, many incredibly powerful long term relationships start with best friends, because those two people really do accept each other fully, can talk to each other, so they are the perfect foundation for a super relationship.
I have a page of tips on this subject -
The gist is to go slow in small steps and to watch how she reacts. You're already hugging which is *good*. Just because she hugs others doesn't mean it's not special. When you go to movies, start going to more romantic movies. When you eat out, start eating at more romantic places. A lot of times the atmosphere will 'get to you' (i.e. to her) and give her those little romantic feelings. Slide up your compliment level just a notch. Don't go overboard, but just *slightly* start to notice her clothes or perfume or whatever more. When you hug her, hold her for just a TINY bit longer. Give her a soft lip-bruch on the cheek when you hug her.
None of these things are "scary" - they won't cause her to run or change her view of you. But they are a gentle "movement". If she seems uncomfortable or says something, you can always just laugh it off with a smile, really you haven't done anything different. And you can stay as friends without any harm done. But if she snuggles in to that kiss, or smiles and flirts back at your compliments, then you know you're on the right path.
It's definitely not something to leap into. Undoubtedly she has the exact same fears that you do. And she may be afraid of losing you as a friend so if you just asked her right out she may say NO even though she would WANT to, she's just afraid. So by sliding into it slowly, you can give BOTH of you the time to get used to the idea and to accept it.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com