My Girl has Too Much Competition!
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
I am in love with an exceptional woman, but I'm not the only one trying to date her. There is ALOT of competition for this girl. Maybe this is to be expected, since as I said she is exceptional, but it's driving me nuts! Let me tell you who the players are.
One guy is kind of a dork but he's a nice guy. His problem is he already HAS a girlfriend, and is playing the male friend angle (although he gets jealous of other guys around her). He doesn't stand a chance, I think, since the girl respects his girlfriend and I don't think she'd go there because as far as she is concerned he is spoken for.
Guy #2 is a player and a criminal, and I thoroughly dislike him, although the girl thinks he's OK. He plays his gmae by CONSTANTLY being around, and to keep that from getting annoying to her, he gives her free Ecstacy, which also keeps her high. I'm pretty sure he's gotten with her on Ecstacy, but I don't think she thinks of him as more than a friend because she (I am guessing) thinks it was just the drugs.
Guy #3 is a long distance relationship for her. His advantage is he only has to focus on being VERY romantic for a week at a time when she visits him or the other way around. Since he lives in Florida when she visits him it's like going on vactation to a tropical locale. And, since he lives with his parents (sigh) he doesn't have any real life financial pressures to deal with. Since he doesn't have bills to pay, he can really splurge on her when she is there.
Lastly, there's me. I'm far from perfect and I won't deny it, but I actually think I am really in the running. I have never hidden my feelings from her, and she knows where I am at. She does get romantic with me from time to time. In fact, things have almost gone to the next level, we keep getting close, but each time she pulls back (except for one time when I pulled back, trying to be respectful, which I now regret).
What I need is a way to get rid of these other guys. I know she likes all the attention, and also she got burned badly in her last serious relationship... I think she wants to linger here and just let us all shower her with attention a while longer, and she is afraid to go too far with any of us. Of course, I can't accept that since I am pretty sure two of these other guys have already slept with her.
Now #2 has pulled a really slick/sick move of telling her he needs to stay with her for a week since the cops are looking for him. It's no cooincidence that he suddenly needs to lay low just after she gets back from #3's and evey guy is trying to get her attention. I am sick of this and though I am sure I am the only one of us guys actually in Love with her I am ready to leave all this behind.
First though, I want to make a stand and see if she will see things my way, and make a decision, even if it's not the one I hope for. I have a rough plan, which is to take her on a trip somewhere (she's already sort of agreed) and try to take it to the next level. If it doesn't go, then I figure I pretty much know, and although she may think I am dropping her because she won't put out, in fact it would be because she wont make up her mind. But I am also looking for some way to tip the scales in my favor. Any help? Thanks.
In the end, a great relationship isn't about the one tropical vacation or about the excitement of a criminal boyfriend. It's about someone you can really be with, and spend time with, for the Rest of of Your Life.
Sure, things like fun Florida might be temporary distractions. But someone that lives with their parents and can't handle real life is not what any person wants to dedicate their lives to. A solid relationship is about two individuals promising to take care of each other through thick and thin. To be there when it's fun and when it's NOT fun. About enjoying each other. About being best friends.
If you are there for her, she'll see your worth. True love and commitment isn't about the guy that splurges on her in Florida because he doesn't actually earn a living. It's about the guy that can take care of himself, and be there for her, in a solid, dependable way.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com