I Harass My Girlfriend at Work - She Gets Upset
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I have been dating my girlfriend for 8 mo's, we broke up at three months and again at 6 months, for various trust/commitment issues. I have now decided to put 100% into this, I have expressed that to her, we have been back together for about 3 weeks, things have been going great...
Then on Valentines day, we had plans after she got of work, I was really looking forward to them. I sent her a text message during the day, just a little cute thing, she did not respond, normally she does. After two hours I sent her another text asking her if she was OK, and that I felt rejected, and sked if I did something wrong. I did not hear back from her, but when she got off work she called me and really laid into me about me sending her a rude text message, and that if she doesn't respond its because she is busy at work....
This has been the major source of problems in our relationship, primarily logistics. I feel that she does not respond to me often, for example if I send her a nice email she doesn't respond or reciprocate, if I send her a nice text she does not reciprocate. And if I confront her about it she blames me and tells me I am being insecure. She is 7 years younger than I am, we work different schedules, we never spend a whole day together because we have different days off.
Bottom line is that I feel incredibly hurt about the Valentines day fight, it kinda ruined the day. She says she is very angry with me, and that my insecurity is ruining things, and that I make her feel that I don't trust her......I have never felt like this, I really do love her, but I feel like things become increasingly one sided, and that I have to fight to keep her interest. Any advice?
I have to be honest here and say that when I am working, I am very busy. If I am in meetings or working on a project I'm not going to be checking my text messages all the time and even if I saw one I wouldn't take the time to respond. Surely you can let the woman work during the day :) It's one thing to send a cute message because you want to say hi. It's another thing to get all upset because she doesn't respond to you while she's working.
You guys were going out to dinner. You were already going to spend time together. She was having a rough day at work. To have her get petulant messages from you because she wasn't instantly responding to you undoubtedly made things even worse.
If the only reason you send her things is to get something in return, it's not going to work. Heck, NOBODY spends whole days together. People work for a living! People in relationships have to learn to balance their together time and their apart time. It sounds like you're not doing well with this balance and are looking for constant reassurance that she still cares about you. If you keep this up, she won't be around long.
When she's working, you should have other hobbies and friends to keep you occupied. You shouldn't be sitting around thinking of ways to bother her :)
-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com