Getting Closer to a Female Friend
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
There's a girl that i've gotten to know for about a year now, and we've become very close. We're awesome friends and we both care about each other very much as friends.
I know that our friendship will keep growing, and even though we don't get to see each other very often in person, we talk almost every day on the net or the phone. I recently told her that I had feelings for her, but that I didnt want to date right now. I wanted to know how she felt, and if she would want to work towards something more.
So she says that she doesnt view me that way, and that we've always been friends and that she thinks that a boyfriend can become a bestfriend but a bestfriend can't become a boyfriend. When I first met her I would have tried to initiate something, but she was dating, so I never showed her that I was interested, and thus we became friends. We both agreed that if she wasn't dating when we met, we'd probably be dating now.
I don't know how to show her that we would be good together, as she tells me that she would want to date someone like me, but shes hung up on the fact that she thinks that we couldnt date cause we've always been friends, and she doesnt see me that way in a romantic way.
So i've read your site, and now im more confused. Should i try what you've suggested to get us to grow together more to the point that she'll see me differently, or just forget about my feelings for her?
She said one day she may view me differently but right now, that's the way she thinks.
She also just turned 19. I don't know if that has something to do with it, as she'll grow and change as she gets older too.
Is there any advice you can give me? And sorry for this being so long...
She's really silly if she thinks friends don't become boyfriends!! The whole point of a relationship is to BECOME best friends with your partner. That's what life is about! It sounds like she has some sort of MTV hormone-driven idea about dating that really is going to do her a disservice. What happens when you two are married and 50, does she still think life will be about hot sex all the time? Doesn't she think that best friends are the best types to last a lifetime?
I have a ton of advice on the site about going from friend to boyfriend-girlfriend. Work on it daily. Show her that this is really the ideal way to have a relationship grow.
-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com