I Love Her - She Wants to be Friends
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Male
There is this girl in my school that I have known for just over 3 years now, and without a doubt, I really am in love with her, she is the only thing on my mind right now. We 'used' to get on great, we used to talk alot, meet up outside of school and talk for hours. She wasnt afraid to talk to me or anything, we normally had a great time together. This winter we were rolling around in the snow together and everything, shes definatly not shy.
Now I say 'used to', because a day ago, we ran into some high ground.
I txted her asking if she wanted to go to the cinema about a week before hand. She said she wants to go but is a bit busy for the next week or so. Fair enough, so yesterday I told her I had saturday free if she wanted to go. She was going to cambridge for the day and wouldent be back till late. Fair enough.
Then I remembered we had the Friday off school. So I txted her again, and asked if she wanted to go Friday...
This is where had my heart ripped out and thrown on the floor, im even shaking as I type this now...
She txted back saying she was sorry, she really liked me as a friend but she loves another guy. She said she didnt want to lead me on, and that she cant help her feelings. She kept saying she was sorry and didnt want to hurt my feelings, she said that she would there for me whenever I wanted to talk.
I txted her back and said I respected her feelings. The text read something along the lines of "I respect your feels (name). The fact is though that I love you, I am genuinly head over heals in love with you. I wish you luck with this other guy, he would be a fool not to want you."
Before then she did not know how I felt about her...
She then txted back saying how sorry she was, and that she had no idea. She apologised for being a bitch and being like this.
By this time I was shaking too much to txt back, so I called her...
She answered the phone and said Hi in really guilty and depressed voice. I asked if she was ok, she said she was.
I told her I was sorry for making this whole thing so difficult. Ive been in love with her for over 3 years, and I cant say ive made our friendship very easy because of my feelings.
Again she apologised for being a bitch and had no idea how she felt, she said didnt want to hurt my feelings.
She kept telling me what a great person I am, that I have been such a good friend to her, she went on to say how kind and good I am to her.
The thing that is really doing my head in at the moment now is though, is that she said she should really be going out with me because im so nice to her, again she said she cant help how she feels towards this other guy.
She really did seem guilty.
She said can we still be friends, I said yes.
I have known this girl for most of my high school life, she has drasticly changed my attitude and has boosted my confidence through the roof.
I love her, and Im not afraid to admit it.
This next year she will be coming up to join me in the schools 6th Form College, this means we will probably see alot more of each other. I dont know how I would cope being with her alot, while she possibly has a boyfriend, the guy she loves.
I havent spoken to her or seen her since that phone call, and I am going out of my mind here.
I want her to be happy, and if being with this other guy will make her happy, then thats fine by me. I wish her all the best..
The problem is though that I love her so much I dont know if I will be able to get over it.
I need help, how the hell am I supposed to talk to her again at school?, it is making me so worried about her, does this guy feel the same way about her?, is he going to treat her well?, will there ever be a chance of me and her being together?
I dont want to forget about her, I dont want to get over her, its not gonna happen. I just really need help to even be able to speak to her right now.
Any help is much much much appreciated.
The situation is getting difficult, and I dont know where to turn next. Im sorry if my questions are vague, but I am finding it very hard to put my feelings into words.
All relationships grow and change over time. You never forget them, but the way you feel about them changes. Think about this. Maybe there was a girl you loved passionately when you were 4 years old. That was a good feeling! It wasn't "wrong". You probably still remember her when you were 24 - but you now remember her with fondness, not with a passionate love. It's not that you forgot her or that you were bad for growing up. It is what all of us do.
So be happy that you have a female friend that you care about, and be happy that she is in love. Don't worry about forgetting her and don't think about "getting over her". It's not like a hurdle you jump over. It's just that you are going to mature over time, and you will meet new people over time. She will be an important part of your life and history, and could still be a friend going forward. But it could be that an even more amazing woman will come in to your life, and that woman will love you for who you are. It could be that you love her just as strongly in return. Since this current girl does NOT feel that way, then as you can see, it would be yet another step forward in your maturation process to find that lock that fits your key. Be patient, it will come.
-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com