My Jealousy is Destroying Our Relationship

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
i have known this guy for 11 months, i have been dating him for 4 months. I love him VERY VERY much. He is a great boy friend. I met him through my ex boy friend. (they were really good friends) i found out that my ex boy friend was not such a good guy. he put me through a lot of pain. when we broke up my boy friend now was there for me. we both liked each other for the whole time that we knew each other, but we didnt date right away. We thought it best if we were friends first. And it was true. we became the best of friends and started to date.

for the first 2 months every thing was ok, in fact it was great. then i let my jealousy take over. i am jealous of everything! His ex girl friends, the girls that flirt with him, the way that he is never jealous of me. It makes me feel like he doesnt care if anyone wants me and wouldnt fight to keep me. He has never cheated on a girl friend before so i dont know what he would start with me.

A few weeks ago i found a girls number under his bed. He swore to me that he didnt call her and that he doesnt like her. I was so hurt. i feel like i lost the trust. he had it for 3 days before i found it. he got it at school, and kept the note. Does that mean he was going to call her, did he want to? i cant stop thinking about it. I dont want to lose him.

i yell at him when he sees a pretty girl on TV, i am always scared that he is thinking about another girl when we have sex.I dont want him going out with his guy friends because they go out to "pick up chicks." i am scared for him to get a job and go to work with other girls and give them rides home. I feel like i am going up against beautiful girls. I am not thin ( i have gained weight) i am not really pretty. he hates that i think so badly about my self. i have been having family problems. I cant drive so i have had to drop out of college and i cant hold a job. I feel like everything is coming down on me. he is the one thing that i cant stand to lose right now.

i love him so much. but my jealousy and our fighting is hurting our relationship so badly. PLEASE PLEASE HELP ME!! what can i do to make me feel better about my self and the way that i look? what can i do to stop our fighting, what can i do about my jealousy? how do i deal with it and get over it? please help me! Advice
It really does sound like you're actively destroying the one good thing left in your life!! Get the ebook on jealousy, read all the tips on the site and work on this EVERY DAY. It is incredibly critical that you get your jealousy under control. It sounds like it's a general self esteem problem, that you are eating poorly, not getting out and doing fun things, not getting a job that you like.

If you need to, get a therapist or minister or someone to talk to. If it's just that you don't have your license, then work on that every day. That is something that you can manage with practice. That would then let you get back to college, which would then give you better self esteem too. You have to take your life into your own hands - nobody else will live it for you.

-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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