He's Engaged and Flirting with Me
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I started a new job and saw this guy that comes into work from time to time. I wanted to get to know him and made a fool of myself when I introduced myself. After that he had always teased me about it and we have had fun flirting. My coworked thought I was too shy and gave him my phone number. Which embarressed me again. I told him sorry that I wanted to give that to him when I was ready.
A week later his partner told me he was engaged. I didn't say anything because I wanted to hear from him. He ended up calling me one night and confessed and told me that was the only reason why he didn't call me earlier. We talked for hours on the phone that night and didn't talk much about him being engaged. I still see him at work and we tend to flirt more then before. Which it's been about three months now since I found out. He tells me to call him and I tell him no. Not that I don't want to but I know I shouldn't. Yet I know he'll call me anyway. And I love talking with him. He invited me to his work and I went one night with treats for the guys there and he was very polite and gave me a hug goodbye. I found out he is younger then me by 5 years which I thought he was maybe a year or two older then me. He is only 21 and that seems so young to be engaged.
I will NOT cross the line with him, that needs to stay a friendship even though I'd wish I could have more. I wonder why he flirts so much with me, calls me, and what not if he is engaged. I wonder if he's happy and if he should really be getting married if he's doing what he is with me. I don't want to be the cause of his relationship breaking up but I don't want to see him get into something as serious as marriage if he isn't ready for it. If he even did end up breaking up the engagement I still would not be ok with dating him because he would need to be on his own for a while. I wouldn't want him to turn around and do the same to me. Many times I think about asking him what he is doing flirting with me and is he happy in his relationship but we never talk about his engagement or his fiance. I'm not sure he has anyone to talk to and wonder if I should ever ask him these questions or if I should just leave it alone. Please help me help him in the best way I can. Thanks!
It really does seem like an odd situation. It sounds like he's using you as a backup girl so that if he feels upset with his fiancee/wife he has someone else to talk to. That's really not a good sign at all. He's supposed to be dedicated to his partner in life, not giving his attention and interest to another girl. I realize it's not your fault, but it's just not a good sign at all that he is managing his relationships properly. To be honest, if he is capable of doing this with his current fiance, he would easily do this with you too, if he dated you. It means he isn't capable of actually committing to one person, that he would just have someone else on standby in case of trouble.
I realize it's fun to have a friend, but as a friend you really should bring this up with him. Ask him why he's asking you to call him, when he has a fiance ...
-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com