The First Time - Having a Problem

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
Hi, my girlfriend and I (both 22) are together for some months now. She is still a virgin, but I slept with some girls before, one time with a virgin.

We really would like to make love to each other, but I cannot go into her. Maybe a little bit medical, but I had a look and I didn't see a hole. Now I don't know if we just have to go through this first time, or go to a doctor. I really don't want to hurt my girlfriend, but it is also a shame for her to go to a doctor.

Thanks in advance for your advice. Advice
OK, if you're both 22 you've both fully adults in every sense of the word possible and have waited a few months to really get to know each other. It sounds like you are intimate enough to really be looking at each others bodies too, which is good. So where sometimes I feel uncomfortable giving advice on how to go through with having sex, I have to believe you guys have really built up your relationship here.

OK, so on to the technicalities. Hopefully you guys both took enough biology to realize what virginity is all about. A girl has a vagina in order to let a guy put sperm into her (via his penis) so she can get pregnant. But the vagina is also a way that infection could get into her. So while she is young and not of childbearing years, the vagina is protected with a hymen. That's a thin layer of skin. Depending on the woman, the hymen could be really thin and broken easily by bike riding or horseback riding, or very thick. It sounds like, on the girl you're with, that the hymen is on the thick side.

The hymen of course is meant to be broken during sex, and the whole "blood during losing your virginity" is because that hymen IS broken. It's a layer of skin, like an earlobe, and it bleeds when it is punctured. And it hurts.

Most girls go to a gynecologist from age 16 or so to make sure they aren't coming down with cervical cancer and such. Has she really never had her vagina examined by age 22?? Has she never had any doctor mention this to her? I would really make sure she got to a gynecologist and be examined. Yes, I imagine you just need to have sex and puncture it. But it sounds like no doctor has ever looked at her vagina which is really NOT a good thing. With all the cancers and illnesses that can strike a woman's reproductive system, she should not have gotten to age 22 without anyone even looking at her vagina or mentioning this to her.

-- from Jenn
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