She Wants to Kiss Others
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
I've been with my girlfriend for about 4 months now and lately things seem to be taking a turn for the worst. Ever since a friend who I thought was like a brother to me betrayed me about 2 weeks ago and tried to break me and her up by lying to her, telling her that I was cheating on her, things have not been the same.
Within the past week my girlfriend told me that she thinks its better if me and her are allowed to go as far as kissing other people without cheating on each other. I told her that I really dont think this is such a good decision and that I am not okay at all with her decision but she says she still wants it that way because we havent seen each other in about 4 weeks and that although I am the one she wants to be with the rest of her life, that thinking about marriage and all that right now is starting to scare her and she says that she don't want me to be her last boyfriend although she wants us together for good. I also found out that her and who i thought to be a brother-like figure are still talking and planning dates, and for her to give him his first kiss, etc. I really bothers me that she still wants to hang around him after what he tried to do to me and her and I want to tell her to quit talking to him altogether because I know how he is but I dont feel I can do that because I made a vow not to be controlling and possessive. And I also feel that if she does kiss him I'll be shattered period because of the fact that he was like a brother to me for so long (8 years to be exact).
So I guess my questions are: 1) Should I let my girlfriend have the space she desires for the 5 months that she wants it? 2)Am I just being paranoid that the person I thought of as a brother is still trying to tear her away from me? 3)Should I ignore my vow not to be controlling and possesive and actually tell her that I dont want them talking or around each other period. 4) Should I outright tell her no to her decision and let her know she should respect the way that I feel about that? and 5) Should I just let everything ride itself out and just (how do they say it) "go with the flow"? Thanks
Kissing is cheating. The point of being in a relationship is that you focus on each other. If you are allowed to date and kiss other people, then it could easily happen that you become fond of those other people and want to be with them instead.
It's not being possessive to want a relationship to be monogamous. It's being pretty normal. On the other hand if she wants to be wild and free, you really can't chain her down. People have to voluntarily be in a relationship. If she wants to explore and have fun, then you have to accept that. You have to accept that she could end up with someone else. You need to decide if you're willing to wait around to see if she comes back to you - or if you need to move on to someone who is actually ready to be monogamous.
-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com