He Didn't Need Me

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
Ok I went out with this guy for three years. About 7 months ago he broke up with me because he didn't want or need a girlfriend. When we broke up I tried talking to him about things and wanted to work things out but he didn't want to talk about it or anything,didn't want to deal with it. he wanted to be by himself (I know he is not with anyone else right now either)

Anyways, we tried to be friends but I just couldn't deal with it so I told him that I didn't want to talk to him or see him for awhile. He said fine and we went or separate ways. About a month later out of the blue he calls me and asks me how I am doing, if I have a boyfriend, and askes if I wanted to hang out sometime. I said sure b/c I still liked him and I thought maybe he wanted to work things out. We hung out and when he left he said he would call me sometime. When he says that it always takes him like a week or so to call. I tried talking to him about working things out but he said the same thing (he didn't want g/f).I asked if we would ever go back out and he said No. That is when I told him fine and that I never wanted to talk to him or see him again. He said ok.

Then again about a month later he calls asks how I am doing and stuff and askes if I want to hang out. Oh coarse I said yes and he said he would call me to do something. I thought it would be in like a day or two but it has been almost a week and he still hasn't called.

Why do you think he is doing this? I love him and want to work things out still, but I don't know how much more of this I can take. He knows it bothers me when he says he is going to call and doesn't for a long time and also that I hang out with him b/c I want to get back together. He also knows how much I like him and how it makes me feel when he does this. Why does he continue to do this and hurt me? Do you think he doing it on purpose (he was always so nice to me when we were going out)

It seems like he has changed. Do you think he still likes me and should I say something about getting back together or just wait for him to say something if he even does? If he doesn't want to go back out why can't he just let me go leave me alone? It is like he has this pattern to call every month what is up with that? Do you think I should just try and be his friend and see where it goes or should I try and talk to him about all this? I want us to start all over but I am scares to say something b/c I donít want to push him a way.

Please help

RomanceClass.com Advice
I'm confused why you're pushing him away if you like him. He wants to be your friend. So be his friend! He obviously isn't ready to commit yet. He can't even commit to a time frame for a phone call, never mind an entire relationship. So be his friend, and realize that part of what he is about is a lack of commitment skill. If you can deal with that, then that is fine. If you can't, then you still have a friend to have fun with occasionally. Who knows, maybe someday he'll mature and be more able to have a commitment - but you can't make him do that. He has to do that on his own.

-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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