How do I Change and Get the Girl?

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
I am the quiet, nice boy at school. Everybody thinks I'm "nice". I get good grades, but don't talk much in class. I don't know if I should ask this one girl out because she is more popular than I am. I really, really think she is beautiful. I mean, she's smart, pretty, and "perfect". I don't know if I could take it if she said no to me. Should I ask her out? Or will she just brush me off and think that I'm just in a day dream? Also, How can I change from being the quiet kid? I want to be the kid that talks a lot but I think that people might look at me wierd for changing to someone that talks a lot. Advice
First, every person has his or her own talents. To want to change yourself to 'get the girl' is a really bad idea. You want her to like you for YOU, not for some act that you have to maintain. Relationships are all about honesty and trust. You betray that honesty if the whole way you start a relationship is through deception.

That being said, certainly everyone wants to be more comfortable in social situations. You get that way by practicing. If you want to talk to people more, than start talking to them. Get comfortable with it in small doses until it seems natural. But do it because YOU want to, not because you're trying to impress someone else. Your life is about YOU. If you do things for other people, they rarely work out well.

Next, NO girl or guys is perfect. Period. If you put her on this pedestal, the relationship is doomed to fail. Relationships are about two real people who see the bad AND good in each other. If you idolize her as this perfect girl, she's going to be trapped trying to maintain that and you'll be starry eyed and won't be able to deal with the real girl. This is a girl that may have nice features, and may have a good brain. But she is a REAL girl with real emotions, real faults, real fears and desires. You have to deal with the REAL girl, not with this 'image of perfection' you have built up.

Finally, you don't just walk up to someone and say "go out with me!". You always start with a friendship. I have a whole page on asking people out here -

good luck!

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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