I Want to Be Her Friend
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
There is this girl i like pretty much, a colleague of mine actually at work. We talk much to each other as friends, she just introduced me to her mum but whenever she is in company of her friends she rarely talks to me and sometimes ignores me for her friends. this makes me feel very bad, but when she is alone she transforms into a good queen, kinda of like make me feel boring and just someone to pass time with.
my question is how can i make our discussions more exciting so she cannot wait for another day to be with me. I really want her to be my good friend cos we have lots in common but i feel inferior when she starts ditching me. i wanna have a place in her life as a close friend.
First off, if she is capable of being nice to you alone but mean to you when her friends are around, you should really think twice about being closer to this girl. People who do that do NOT suddenly become compassionate. They are people who care more about what "people think" than how they should treat a person. Sure, you could work hard and become her friend. And then she'd just backstab you even harder when she decided you were "harming her image".
You can't cure people. You can't fix them. If someone misuses people, they are that way and will probably stay that way forever. If you get her to the point that she's not misusing you (even temporarily) are you going to be comfortable watching her misuse others? Would you be happy standing with her and her friends while they laugh about some other 'jerk' that they enjoy picking on?
If she WAS a good friend she would enjoy talking with you because that's what friends do. She wouldn't have to be tricked into enjoying her time with you. Friends don't demand friends are stellar conversationalists or great jokesters. They are just as happy sitting together quietly as they are laughing about the latest comedy movie. If this girl spends her time looking down on you and "deigning" to entertain you with her presence, this is NOT someone to work to impress. This is someone to leave behind while you look for a real human being.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com