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A Love Quote
We don't love qualities, we love persons; sometimes by reason of their defects as well as of their qualities. --Jacques Maritain

We Fought Over a Cruise

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I have been married for 10 years, and our relationship has started to hit some bumps in the road. I would say I fall into the Low Self Esteem category, with Jealousy.

It started with her mother and her going to take a cruise for a period of time. The issue became that I was not asked, alot of dollars were being spent on clothes I felt were not required for a trip. I have been under pressure with this subject and we have fought over the subject, to the point were she left the house to spend the night with her mother.

She has now left for the trip, and I worry about the fact of the fight before leaving. Before leaving she pointed out issues she felt I had, trust, listening, making her feel dumb. I requested we go to seek help after returning from the cruise. My issue is I am worried we will not be together upon her return.

RomanceClass.com Advice
It sounds like you were feeling jealous that she and her mom were having a grand adventure without you and it came out in your arguments. Also, it sounds like you guys hadn't agreed on a budget before this adventure began. It's always good for people to have adventures with AND without their partners. Family adventures with just mom-and-daughter or father-and-son can be INCREDIBLY important and memorable. But things always need to be done fairly. A couple shares its budget. If she wanted to take a cruise with her mom, that's fine! That should be commended. But if she blows your entire family savings on her own trip, that's not fair at all. That is her taking advantage of you for her own needs. That is money that you both had together, that she is grabbing for herself.

So anyway, you had a right to be upset if she started blowing all of the family money. And for her to run off to her mom's like a 13 year old instead of working it out with you isn't really a good sign. Couples work through their problems. They don't try to run away from them.

It does sound like a good idea that you head to a therapist when she gets back, so you can look over this issue. If she really takes off because you guys fought over a cruise, that doesn't speak well for her level of commitment to the marriage!! People fight about MUCH more serious issues and work them out. You guys just had a fight about a vacation. That should be something you can patch up without much problem. Hopefully a therapist will help her see that - and also help her see that she needs to stay and deal with issues when they come up, not flee.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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