I Caught my Girlfriend Lying
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I found a condom receipt in my girlfriends car, along with a morning after pill bought the next day. She says She was with her ex that night but nothing happened she says.? She also said the pill was because of me, but we had not had sex in at least 5 days, the pill was bought six days later. And we don't use condoms. Now since I confronted her, she says she needs her space, she doesn't know what she wants anymore, with me and in general. She never spends time with me, and lies about where she really is. She has been staying over her "closest guy friend" house a lot and lies about it. She says she loves me though and wants it to work, but doesn't want me around. Is she cheating on me, does she love me, and after three years of being together, is there a chance? Please help me.
Well first, it does seem pretty obvious that she's lying to you, and that even when confronted with rather obvious proof she continues to lie rather than be mature and face up to her deeds. There's a saying "don't do the crime if you can't do the time." She wants to do what she pleases *and* dodge out of any responsibility.
It sounds like she has a lot of growing up to do. Being with someone as a boyfriend-girlfriend means you COMMIT to that person, to have trust, to be open and honest, to deal with even difficult situations openly and maturely. If her solution to a difficulty is to lie about it, she's really not ready for a relationship. Love is about trust and respect. If she really feels love, she is not showing it in the ways that count.
I would sit down with her and state that you know she isn't being honest. It's just a fact. And if she wants this relationship to succeed, she has to be able to talk about these facts. Believe me, FAR worse things can happen in relationships than these things, and if she can't even be honest about this, what *can* she be honest about? If she keeps denying it, go over the incidents that you have proof on. And if she keeps denying it, then she's just a compulsive liar and it's best not even to try to argue. She just isn't mature enough to take responsibility for her own actions.
It sounds like she's very insecure and that she needs lots of guys to tell her she's great to bolster her self esteem, and that any threat to that makes her run and hide. So when you confronted her, she lied and then ran. I think some time apart would do you good, and I think you deserve someone in your life that truly values you, and who gets their values in life from being with you, not from being with a bunch of guys.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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