I Believe Love Should be Without Doubt
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
Recently my girlfriend (of 2 months) and I got into a little argument which ended up her telling me that she is confused about her feelings. We broke up on Saturday night (my doing) because I feel that if you're in love there should be no question about it. She tells me she loves me and after three days of crying wants to get back together. I said ok. I beleive that she loves me because of her emotions over the whole thing.
We are together now but she is still confused. 2 of her friends told her that she made the right decision to get back with me because I am so good to her and 2 of her friends told her she should remain single to work things out within herself. She said she wants to be with me so she is.
Now she has an appointment with her therapist and I am worried about what the outcome will be. I really don't know what to do. Should I break it off to protect myself??? or wait??? Seems like she is a little bitter towards me now also??? why???
It takes most people MANY months before they know whether they are in love or not. Love is about knowing someone inside and out, about knowing their good and bad sides, about accepting all of them. You need to get past that lust-rush of new love before you can even consider if this is a mature love that is going to last. So for you to pressure her into a "final decison" of love after only 2 months is really pushing things. There is ALWAYS doubt and thoughtfulness in life. If you do NOT have concerns and thoughts, that would be when I would worry about you. Absolutes only exist in books.
It is very good that she has a therapist to talk to about these things, because it sounds like you really haven't been talking to her about her concerns. You told her to "decide or get lost". A relationship really needs communication if it's going to last. So instead of drawing lines in the sand, you need to start talking with her. Find out how she feels, help her talk about why she might feel that way.
That you could even discuss breaking off the relationship to protect yourself is not a good sign. You should be with her because you care about her and enjoy being with her. If you guys have trouble the solution should ALWAYS be to talk about it, not to run away "just in case". If you are going to list running away as your primary solution, you won't find any relationship that lasts. Because *every* relationship has ups and downs. You need to learn how to work through those downs.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com