I Want to Get Back with My Girlfriend
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I had a great friendship with a girl that turned into a relationship for 2 years during university. We finished our undergrad degress and moved in together during the summer to see if we were compatible living together before moving far away that autumn to where she was doing the next phase of her schooling. We had a few arguments over little things, but generally it was fine and we moved off together full of hope and love.
After 3 months in the new city, I had big problems adjusting to a life without my family, friends, and other mainstays around (and being too far to visit aside from holidays). I wanted to be with her, but I just wasn't a happy person in that place, while she loved it, and we chalked it up to not being good enough together to make it work so we broke up.
Now it's 2 months later and I've talked to her on the phone just once - I'm trying to give us both space so we can get over each other. She's changed her mind, and is staying in her hometown (an hour from mine) instead of going back to school far away. I don't think this has anything to do with me at all...it's financial, and she's probably over me and happy with the situation, but now I have nagging doubts that I made a decision based more on feelings about MY needs for the support and familiarity of my hometown than our relationship.
I do not get the sense (albeit from just one conversation) that she wants to get back together, but I'm having trouble getting over her with the thought in my mind that without all the other stuff in my life lacking, everything could be as good as before, even if it's different. I'm afraid to bring this up to her, as everything I've read tells me to leave each other alone for weeks or months until the emotions settle down and you're both happy, and that it's normal to want the other person back for awhile. So if she doesn't feel the same way, I would be hurting our chances of remaining friends in the long run by planting that "Does he want more than my friendship?" thought in her head now.
Any thoughts? Just stay the course with the separation and I'll get over it in time?
It is a good idea to wait a bit, but waiting for the romance does not mean avoiding her altogether! I would definitely build that friendship up, talk with her more often, stay in her life. Most great relationships begin with great friendships, so it's normal for the relationship to turn back into a great friendship if the relationship part dissolves. In a way it proves it wasn't just the sex that you guys treasured about each other.
So stay in touch, keep talking with her. You'll be showing her you care about her, not that you are pursuing her. If anything, if you just deserted her for months and then jumped back into her life, that would be something to show her your feelings aren't very even.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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