I'm Very Jealous - It's Destroying Our Relationship
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
i've been with my boyfriend for about 10 months now and i know that this is the one relationship that i really want to make work. i've never really been jealous in past relationships. however, i get extremely jealous all the time with him. not only about him leaving me, but about him looking at other (scantily-clad) women on tv.
i've tried fixing the problem in my head, telling myself that i'm just being stupid but for some reason, the thought of him looking at ANY other girl on, tv or especially in person just burns me up inside and i can't get these thoughts out of my head.
i always confront him about it and he always tells me im being jealous and that its not true, but i feel like i see it all the time. please help me to overcome these feelings, i cant stand it anymore!!
People get jealous because they fear losing something really important. So in a way, your being jealous is a sign to you that this relationship is really important and that you would be very upset to lose it. Which is a good thing, but of course if the jealousy destroys the relationship that would be counterproductive!!
You CANNOT make him stop looking at every other woman. If the only reason he stays with you is because he feels like "no other woman exists" that is unhealthy. He should stay with you even THOUGH there were many other choices out there in the world because to him, you are the BEST choice. Would you lock him in a room because you feel any woman is a threat to his love for you? Do you really mistrust his loyalty and love so much that you feel it will dissolve just because another girl comes by? Sure, she looks sexy. Lots of girls do. But a strong relationship is about love and caring, it is not about jumping after every girl that is shaped nicely.
Believe me, every sexy girl turns into a droopy, baggy older woman. That temporary body shape is really not important in the long run. What is important is a relationship you can trust, a friendship that supports you, a love that is strong. Looking at sexy woman is fine. But obsessing about him LEAVING you just because, for this 2-year period of time a given girl is in her "sexiest time of life" would be quite silly. What would he do, then just keep leaving them for new sexy girls as they aged? I don't think so.
I have a ton of advice on jealousy here -
but you really need to change your respect for your boyfriend here. Do you really believe that all he cares about is a pair of breasts and a thin waist? Do you really think that his intelligence is so low that he would go running off, leaving behind a woman he loves, just for a momentary grope of a sexy body that won't be that sexy in a few years? Life is not about sexy bodies. All bodies change and fade over time. Life is about finding a partner that you can trust, who you can love and who you will go through life with. Sexy bodies come and go. That's not what life is about.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com