From Friend to Boyfriend with Unhelpful Other Friends

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
Okay I had this friend if the opposite gender, and weve been asked hundreds of times if were ever dating, we'd always say no. She would always help my with my other realtionships. they all failed. One i was trying to make recently was with one of her best friends. Well she thought I was stalking her. Yeah right I didn't do a thing, It didn't work and she convinced her friends to hate me.

So now i've been thinking about dating the girl who has been my friend since the third grade. But i dont get enough time with her. For example, I ask her, do you want to come over and watch a movie? she'll say no im busy. but on that same weekend she'll go to see a movie with her other friends. My Ex-Girlfriend, The girl who thought i was stalking her, and Her three other friends who hate my guts!

Now I brought up the subject of going out with her, she says she's afraid if something goes wrong our friendship would be toast. But were like already going out. we talk to each other all the time and we sit next to each other at lunch everyday and in front of my locker. we just havent broken physical contact, and she thinks were still just friends. so it's not official.

To sum it up, Her friends are getting in my way! and other things... On christmas me and my target were going to walk down to the park to exchange gifts, her friend walks up and says, "so your going to town?" we say yes and she says "well ill come along to." now i had this planned since november that we would go together... I told her no. She wouldn't stop arguing. Eventually i told her away. but thats another example. I want to be alone with her and her friends that hate me, And i hate back, Rear their ugly heads! Advice
Bad blood tends to fade over time, and the most important thing you can possibly do is to help let it fade. You don't want your girl to feel torn in the middle between you and her friends. That is a sure recipe for disaster.

So always be polite to the friends, no matter how nasty they get. After a short while they will start to seem crude for being mean to you when you're being polite in return, and they will start to lose interest in being mean to someone who obviously isn't reacting to their prods.

For your girl, I have a ton of tips here -

it sounds like you're at the point that you need to start bringing in the physical contact. Pretty much ALL great relationships begin with a great friendship as the base, and ALL of these people worry about losing the friendship as they get closer! So this is normal but it is something that is almost a 'proving ground' to prove that you are ready for that serious of a relationship. If you didn't worry about losing it, it wouldn't be something that special.

Anyway, start raising the contact level. Do you hug hello and goodbye? Most friends do that, so that's a normal thing to include. Once you're doing that for a while, give a kiss on the cheek. That's also a normal friendly thing to do. But all of them increase the contact level. Give backrubs and massages when you are tense. Go to movies that are more and more romantic, to build up those romantic feelings. Soon she'll realize that dating isn't a change really - it's just putting a name on the way you already feel.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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