Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
I been going out mith my boyfriend for almost two years already, and our relationship is being perfect, but lately we being fighting a lot. Most of the time is because of his jealousy problem, he gets mad if I talk to any guy even if it is a friend of his, he also always telling me what to wear, and some other things.
my mam is always telling me how much I have changed, becaus I used to be very outgoing and now I just dont talk to nobody. At the beginning I thought he was going to get better but everything is just getting worst, and I'm just tired. I want to be myself and dress the way I want. On the other side I know he really love me with with all his heart and he is really sweet and caring.
But there is something else; he always wants to be with me, he comes to my house everyday and everything I do he wants to be part of it. I really love him but how I tell him that I need my space; without him taking it wrong. How I tell him that I love him a lot but I want to be able to do stuff by myself, I want to go shooping with my friends, and have my own time, talk to however I want without being scared, dress how I want.
Love is about two people who fully support each other, encourage each other, want each other to reach those wonderful goals and achieve everything they can. That's not what he is doing. He is trying to own, possess and control you. He is treating you like his pet dog that he wants to keep an eye on. He isn't treating you like his girlfriend who he supports and respects.
People in relationships need to be separate individuals who are happy on their own and who want to share their worlds with each other. He sounds like he wants you to in essence be locked in a room somewhere and wear a giant black robe when you go out so no other human can see you. He wants you to be his possession that only he can spend time with. That is really unhealthy.
He needs to learn balance and you are 100% right that he needs to learn this NOW. He isn't just going to spontaneously get better on his own. He isn't going to listen to anyone else. He is going to have to hear this from you.
Don't fight about it. You shouldn't EVER have to fight or yell to discuss an issue. Sit down with him. Explain to him that he needs to support you in your life - and that includes your time with him AND your time without him. You have friends, you have hobbies, you have a complete life. He is a PART of that but he cannot CONTROL that. He either learns to trust you or it will not work.
He is not your daddy. He is not your boss. He is your PARTNER. Either he handles his jealousy and learns to TRUST you 100%, or he needs to talk to some adult - a teacher, a parent, a relative, someone. Because if he doesn't find a solution to his problem he is going to destroy your relationship.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com