She's Treating Me Like Dirt - I Plan on Marrying Her

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
I am having trouble with my girlfriend. It could be boiled down to simple jealousy but I don't know for sure. Here is the background. We have been together for 2.5 years. She is going to be graduating from high school this year and I am going to be starting college this week. For the last 2 weeks, she was on Christmas break. That's 14 days folks. Out of the 14 days, she only spent 2 with me and didn't even call me during the other 12. She dissapears for days like this to go hang out with her drunken friends from the seedy underbelly.

Anyway, every day of her Christmas break, I would wake up thinking that today was going to be the day that she called me, and that day never came. I did get to spend New Years Eve with her (only after I sped over to her house in my car when I heard from her mom that she was in the shower, getting ready to leave to go drinking). It was usually a tradition since we started dating to spend every New Year's Eve together and we were happy doing it. Not this time though. She had plans to go drinking with her friends and I guess I really fouled up her plans. The whole time I was there, the phone was ringing off the hook and people were asking her why she wasn't getting drunk with them. She would just reply with a huge sigh and a monotone voice saying, "sorry. My boyfriend's over".

I felt terrible. And that was the day I actually got to see her. The other days were spent with no call or anything. All I wanted to do was spend some quality time with her before I start college and my life becomes that of a full time student. I thought about talking to her about this, but I know that she is going to say "Fine, I will just call all of my friends and tell them I am not allowed to have any friends and not to call me anymore!"

I don't want to come across as an jerk, but she really hurt my feelings by not trying to be with me for 2 weeks. Now, school for her is back in session and she is more than happy to spend time with me. But then, she has all the stress from school to deal with. I wanted to see her when she was off from school, not just after she was back in school where everyone upsets her.

It makes me sad to think of the possibility that she only wants me around when it is convenient for her. I don't know what to do. I thought about dissapearing for a week and see how she reacts. Not only do I NOT believe in revenge, I also believe that it wouldn't phase her, plus, I am unhappy when I am not with her. I just hope I am not right about her not caring if I dissapear for awhile. She is all I have got. I don't know what I would do without her.

And get this, we are going to be getting married this October. I don't refer to her as my fiance because we are both really comfortable saying boyfriends/girlfriends. Anyway, I need help on deciding what to do and you guys are all have left. As you can see from my closing statement, breaking up is not an option. Thanks a lot for all of your time. Please reply soon! You are my only hope! Advice
You definitely need to get this resolved before you get married!! You're upset about something but refuse to talk to her because it won't get you anywhere? This is NOT the shape to be in before you pledge your lives to each other! If you are insistant on marrying on a deadline without even resolving this issue, then resolving the issue has got to be your #1 priority. You need to go to couples therapy and get things resolved to the point that you CAN feel comfortable talking to her about issues.

The only issues you're dealing with right now is feeling sad and lonely over a holiday break. Compared to the huge issues that life throws at you, that is child's play! If you can't even talk about this, how can you possibly talk about things when affairs and children and paying for a home and other big issues are at stake?

It's time to start treating this as a real relationship. You need to learn to talk to her as an adult and have her treat you as an adult. You want to do this NOW, and not do it because she's threatening to divorce you over some small argument.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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