Keeping Things Together after Six Years

Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Male
I have been with the love of my life for nearly six years. Last month we broke up because she says she is unhappy. I believe the main thing is the fact that I have not been quite able to establish myself, I have alot of debt and have been bouncing from job to job. She says that she feels we are not on the same level and that I am holding her down.

Well, we're back together, I have been paying off my debts and holding down my job, recovery is a bit slow going though and even though I am making an effort to change these issues she has lost quite nearly all of her faith in me and is saying again that she feels like she wants to leave me. At this point in time it is quite devastating to me emotionally to have her pulling out at a critical stage.

Now I know the importance of respecting yourself and I say so because even though I do love myself I feel like if she were to leave me it would devastate me. She is the most important person in my life and she means absolutely everything to me. I believe, and have told her that after six years and all the time and effort we put into our relationship that it would be all for nothing if we just walked away.

I believe we need a little more communication but I mean talking does not solve my immediate problem as action not talking is going to alleviate our financial ailments.

I guess my question is, what can I do to rebuild my beautiful baby's faith in me? Please help me help myself! Advice
You guys have been together for six years but all you can say is that you "guess" that she's unhappy because of your job?? One of the most important things in any relationship is trust and honesty. You should be able to talk about anything, to share your hopes and dreams and fears. It definitely sounds like communication is seriously lacking here.

Lots of couples are quite poor. Heck, remember that half the world survives on around $10 a day and barely gets enough to eat. If you are able to have a job and "extra money" to pay off debts with, you're doing really well! So what exactly is her issue? If she stayed with you for six years, you guys should work on issues when you encounter them. She shouldn't just be abandoning the relationship.

It's time to find a couples therapist and work on this together. Maybe your talking skills have gotten rusty, but as much as you think money can solve this, money really never solves anything. Either you are happy together or you aren't. If you're not happy, you need to talk about why. Just throwing money at the problem will NOT solve it.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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