How Do I Get her Back?

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
For a year and a half this girl wanted to be with me more than anything. We hung out a lot and I just kept telling her I didn't want a girlfriend. Then finally after a year and a half I gave in and went out with her. It was the best time of my life. Then the test was put to us. I had to move for a job. I told her I wouldn't be back for 2 to 5 yrs. We dated still for 15 days after I left.

Then she called up one day and said we needed a break. So I went along with it. I loved her so much I did not want it but I did it to make her happy. Then a month later I decided to go home because I wanted to be with her so bad. When I got home I found out that she had been doing something with another guy and after I had been home for a few weeks she started seeing this other guy. That was about 2 months ago.

I still talk to her everyday. If I don't call her she will call me. Sometimes she will go out to dinner with me or hang out with me but most of the time she just enjoys talking to me on the phone for long periods of time. She still calls me her best friend but is dating this other guy. I want to be back with her so bad. What do you suggest I do to get her back? Advice
It's very hard for long distance relationships to last so in a way it's not surprising (although sad) that a separation of up to 5 years caused trouble. That would cause trouble for most marraiges, never mind for a couple just dating.

It's very good that you guys are able to talk so much and to be friends. That will really be key to how things go. You need to stay her friend and stay supportive.

Who knows why she's dating this other guy. Maybe he was 'convenient'. Maybe he was 'exciting and new'. Whatever it was, it's something she has to work through. Whatever it was, every relationship comes down to honesty, love, trust and friendship over the long term. Other things like 'exciting' or 'attractive' don't really matter in the long haul. So stay there for her, be there for her, be the one she can trust in.

Don't be the one to break them up. That is always VERY bad in the long term because forever afterwards she'll always wonder if she should have let you do that or not. She needs to come to you willingly, when she had made that choice herself.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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