She Wants a Break

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
my ex and i went out for like three months, and every thing was great. then she said that she wanted to take a break. i did not know why but i thought it would be the best any ways that we take a little time to our selves.

then i asked her why and she said because "i explained things to her like she was stupid and i was clingy", i did not know that i was doing that but then i asked my friends and they said yeah i was kind of but so was she, but i never was like that before until i got a lot of stress in life from stuff thats hapening in my family.

i know i have a few problems because my mom was abusive but im not trying to point a finger but that might be why i act wierd sometimes. but i guess she is mad at me or something, and i really care for her i love her with all my heart and i really want to get back with her but if i cant i just wanted the best for her, i said that if she cant be happy with me then i hope its with some one else but she means every thing to me and im totally willing to work on the problems in our relationship but i dont know if she will get back with me. Advice
There's a few things here. First, OK, let's assume you are really clingy and didn't explain things well to her. Heck, in the grand scale of "things that could be wrong with a boyfriend" those are REALLY minor issues. Most girls would love a guy that was on the clingy side, instead of a guy that was on the ignore-my-girl side! Many girls have to deal with guys that have a wandering eye, or flirt with other girls, or all sorts of other problems.

So even if you did have those issues, they were pretty minor. OK, we all have flaws. Part of being in a relationship is talking about and working on those flaws so that we help each other grow. But instead of telling you about the issues and working on them with you, she said "I want a break". And it's not even like she told you she wanted a break so you could work on those things - she didn't bother to tell you WHY she wanted a break! She was just going to run off without even telling you why - until you very wisely asked her about it.

So not only are you a guy who cares about her but you're one who is willing to talk about issues and ask what is wrong - something ELSE that many girls complain that their guys won't do! So you have all sorts of great characteristics, a few really minor flaws, and she decided to throw in the towel and run off without even talking to you about it.

I think if anyone wasn't ready for a relationship here, it was her. Maybe she's just not old enough / mature enough to date yet. I would stay her friend and see if she becomes more mature in a few months, and try again. Try to help her learn in the meantime that being in a serious relationship with someone - whether it is a friendship OR a boyfriend-girlfriend thing - means that you stand by each other, talk to each other and communicate. She really needs to learn how to do those things.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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