Trusting my Girlfriend and her Stories

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
My Girlfriend Kept on Lying about sexual things she has done in the past. She also told me that she was raped by someone. Intially she didn't tell me about the rape. She said she only gave oral sex. After that she said that she was raped. Then she says that all night she was saying no for sex and once she said "Maybe its okay" and then again said "No".

Before this she lied about other sexual experiences. I have no clue what to believe. When i tried to break up with her she cries and say i love u. I fall everytime into the trap and don't leave.

What should i do?? Sometime I feel if she is saying the truth about been raped i want to forgive her. But her track record with me is so bad that i don't believe her. I don't know what to do. Advice
It's always difficult when you don't trust someone to then talk about ANY subject, and sex is a tough subject to talk about no matter what.

It sounds like she was involved in a "date rape" - a situation where she tried to stop the guy and was pressured into it. This is unfortunately a common situation.

If she says NO 10 times and then caves in a little after repeated pressure, all I can say is that the guy she was with was an incredible slimeball and should get a dose of his own medicine sometime. That is NOT right for the guy to be doing. She said no. She repeatedly said no.

Many girls would cave in after being pressured like that, just to get the guy to stop harassing them. And they hate themselves afterwards for doing it. The guy laughs with his friends that he "got what he wanted". The whole situation damages the girl's self esteem for years.

It's no wonder that she wouldn't want to talk about something like that happening to her. It can really destroy your ability to trust anybody, because you always figure the guy you're with is going to pressure you to get his own selfish needs and not care at all about what you say or want.

I would really cut her some slack with this one. Date rape is something that is extremely confusing and also extremely destructive. Usually it's a girl who is date raped and usually it is someone she knows and trusts who takes advantage of her. If the guy could not respect her enough to accept her no, and if he pushed her until she finally gave him because it's what he wanted, then he deserves 100% of the blame. It's guys like that who destroy a girl's ability to love and trust for years, if not for their entire lives.

I can't say enough about how slimy it is for ANYONE to pressure a date like this, and how much serious harm it can cause to that person. If someone doesn't want something, they don't want it. Either you respect them and support them, or you USE and ABUSE them for your own selfish needs.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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