We Argue All the Time
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
me and my girlfriend have been together for nearly two years now but have started arguing so much that it happens everyday. we love each other so much but just get on each others nerves alot. We really want to work it out because when we are happy it is just so good but when its not it is terrible.
i am wondering if you have any answers to help us to get through this tough time.
Arguing is a pretty clear sign that something serious is wrong - and that you have lost enough respect for each other to put each other down as a result. If you watch happy older couples together, they have a LOT of roadblocks in their life. It's not like their life was smooth! But instead of screaming at each other when they hit those roadblocks, they take a deep breath and then work on the problem together. They overcome them and go on. Instead, you guys hit those roadblocks and start beating on each other. That weakens your relationship, makes you less likely to trust each other, and things spiral downwards.
If you think the things life throws you after 2 years are bad, just wait until you are together for 10 or 20 years. The things you are hitting are mere training bumps, and you aren't handling those issues. You guys really need to get some perspective here. Just what are these "huge issues" that are destroying your lives? Are they really big issues, or are you just using them as excuses to vent the anger you feel about other things?
Either you stop this now or it will destroy you. I'm serious. Don't just sort of take a "everybody fights" attitude. Everybody does NOT fight. People on MTV fight because it's exciting. Couples that are happy for decades find solutions. It's time for you to make the decision if you want to crash and burn like a Jerry Springer couple or if you are in this for the long haul.
If you ARE determined to make this work I have a ton of tips here -
Basically, STOP if you get angry. Just STOP. One or both of you, call a timeout and leave the room. YOU are the only people continuing the fights. Learn to stop. Talk about the issue later when you are calm. If you cannot find a solution together to an issue, don't just ignore it. It will come back again! Find a minister, therapist, or someone you both trust to find a solution. Either you actively find solutions to those problems or they will drive you apart. Take this very seriously and start finding those solutions.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com