A drunken evening leads to a bit of groping

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I am engaged and have been with my fiance for over 4 years and love her very much. She went away for the weekend and I had a party. A friend of mine came down to go to the party. She is a good friend and at one time she really liked me before I meet my fiance. Well we both had a lot to drink and got into heavy flirting. She ended up flashing me a couple times, and I felt her breasts in a playful non-sexual way. We didnt kiss or touch each others sexual organs.

Afterwords I felt really bad like I betrayed my fiance, and taken advantage of my friend. My friend sayed she wanted to do all those things and that it was all ok and that we would keep this our secret. I still feel very guilty. My fiance and this girl are also casual friends. If I tell my finace about this she will get very very mad. I dont want to enrage my fiance and lose my other friend. This is very out of character and have never done anything like this before. Is this considered cheating? The guilt is killing me and is punishment enough. I would like your thoughts on this situation. Thank you.

RomanceClass.com Advice
Well first, I would REALLY tell your fiance. This sounds like something that is likely to come out, and you want her to hear it from you. Honesty is always the best policy in general, and in this situation it's like the Sword of Damocles waiting over your head. Best to just deal with it. Do all of the serious-talk preparation - set aside a quiet evening, have a full dinner, sit together with glasses of wine (or whatever) and be fully honest. Explain that it was a BIG mistake, that you won't drink like that again and that you realized your mistake immediately. The fact that you feel so badly about it might help, so she knows that you'd be even less likely to do it in the future.

This friend of yours seems to be somewhat dangerous in your relationship, if she encouraged you in these things. You might want to have more distance between you two for a while, so she realizes that you are serious about your fiance and learns to respect that.

Drinking at parties is fine, but if you're drinking enough that you lose control like that, that's not good. Your fiance needs to be able to rely on you, and you on her. It might be something to think about the next time you're drinking like that ...

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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