I'm Jealous of Everything
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
Ive been going out with this girl for like about a year now and i really love her. Ive had many relationships before but usually for no more than 8 months. This is the first time that i last that long and also the first time that i love somebody with so much passion.
Its been very different and exotic we can say, becouse im spanish and she is middle-eastern. Wich makes it very interesting becouse of the different cultures, religion etc. Of course that i think makes the relationship stronger. Even though i know what my problem is, and you had probalbly heard it more than a million time (jealousy) i will explained it to you.
I had many girlfriends as i said before, and she had many bf too. Well more like 5 or so. But 4 of them were real serious. The first one lasted like almost two years with her. Acording to what she said she was really in love, she tought she was gonna marry him. But the truth is that he used her. In many ways, sentimentally and also physically. Just to tell you he even "forced" her to have sexual relationships even though she didnt want to. But, she was "in love" and she thought that that was "normal". Of course this was long time ago, she wasnt that mature yet.
Then, he started acting wierd and left her. The reason that im tellin you this is because now its really hard for her to trust me. She knows it, she knows that i know. She tells me that it will take time. But i think it is afecting our realtionship in a way. not dramaticly, but it is. She is also very scared becouse this is the first time she dates someone that isnt from her culture.
I dont know what to do.
I see her twice a week and sometimes more. We have a lot of fun together, she has friends, i do too, i like her friends, she like mines. so for that side i think we are all right.
She has guy friends, wich makes me really jealouse, really! but i dont tell her that, becouse i know its not good to be jealous and its my problem that i feel like that, i also have to work on that.
What im really jealous about is that she wont love me as much as she loved her first bf. She even told me, that she could never love someone like she did to him. I told her thats not true. I also feel a little jealous when she goes out with a bunch of friends and for some reason (work, school) i cant go.
So my question is, What can i do in order to win her trust and show her that love is there if you open your heart for it? i love her with all my soul and im willing to do everithing to make this relationship work. To show her that even though we are very different, if we love each other we can make it work?
Also am i way to jealous, is it just me or it is normal to be that jealous?
First, it's really good that you want to work on your jealousy. I have lots of advice on that here -
it takes time and energy but it CAN be done. You need to accept your girlfriend's past and accept that she needs time ALONE with her friends. That does not take her away from you - that makes her a happier person which means she's more likely to stay with you. Unhappy people are the ones who break up.
As far as what she says about her ex, don't even argue with her about it. Think about it. If a 9 year old had a crush on someone, she might feel it was the most powerful emotion in the world, even for years afterwards. But when she gets married and has 2 kids with the husband that stands by her side, is she really going to think that what she could have felt at age 9 has any tiny comparison to what she feels for her husband and the father of her children?
She's just saying that now because she doesn't want to get hurt. But in reality, it won't be very long before what she feels for you is FAR stronger than anything she's felt in the past. Just let her feel that way for now if it makes her feel "safer". In a few months she'll feel safe enough to admit to you how strongly she DOES feel.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com