She's Worried about a Commitment

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
My relationship is hitting the wall, and I am seeking your advice. Before meeting my girlfriend 8 months ago, I was lost and didn't care too much about my life. But after meeting her, I started taking care of myself ranging from exercising, getting new clothes, putting on a new look, saving money....etc... I would say she was the one who pulled me out of the hell hole.

Now, I am in love with her madly. I miss her every single day, and I just want to see her as often as I can. Whatever and whenever she needs me, I am always there for her. I even think of settling down with her. I do have a decent job with a decent pay, and money isn't a big issue to me. But now she is questing me how much I know her to be in love with her. To me, it's not easy to understand a person completely. Does it have to be a requirement in any relationship? Do I need a list of things about her in order to be qualified as her boyfriend? It sounds like I need to be a psychologist in this case. I am confused. can you give me some advice? Advice
It sounds like she is getting afraid of commitment and is worried if you really are "the one". It's normal for people to get a little jittery. But really, after 8 months you know her pretty well. Most people who get married know each other for a year or so first. So that is the normal length of time people get to know each other. If she means do you "know every inch of her", then she doesn't quite understand how relationships work. The point is that you and she are ALWAYS changing, growing, learning. So even if you knew her perfectly at this very second in time, in a month there would be parts of her you didn't know.

So the most CRITICAL thing in any relationship is that you always care about each other, you are always honest and trustworthy and talk a great deal about what you are doing and feeling. Because you both are going to be constantly changing. You have to "walk the path together" and change together. It is far more important to talk to someone and learn HOW they change than to memorize every thing she liked BEFORE. Because just because she liked something before doesn't mean she'll always like it. She might have liked playing with dolls before. She might not now. She might love skiing in the future, she might not now. So that willingness to grow with her is what is key. Your exact knowledge of her every detail right now is not. If you guys are well suited, you can learn those details as you go - but it's not like most people remember them all even if we are told them. Our brains can only hold so many details :)

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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