I Want to Be Friends
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
My girlfriend broke up with me almost 6 months ago. Im still not over her. The strange thing for me is we were only together around 7 months. The reason for breaking up with me still isnt all that clear. It is something to the affect of "something just didnt fit".
We still talk every so often. At first it was more frequent now it is less. I have been very frank with her the whole time. I have told her that I still have feelings for her but am willing try to put those aside in order to maintain our friendship, which I value greatly. She says it hasnt been easy for her either and that she would be jealous if I met another girl. She doesnt feel comfortable enough to tell me if she has met someone herself or not. I made it clear to her that I rather her tell me than have to hide things. Its seems that she is convinced that she doesnt want to be with me now. Frankly from my point of view it looks grim for me in the future as well. Although, she says she will never say never.
Here is my dilema. I dont want to loose her completely but am not sure if I can handle being occasional friends which leads me to believe that maybe I should end things completely to avoid hurting myself any further and maybe her as well.
Is it realistic to be friends? I am very sad, any way I look it seems grim. My idealist side tells me to stick through it. My unrealisticaly optimist side tells me persitence (even if it is passive) pays and I just need more patience. At this point, I want to say that I can wait as long as it takes but I dont know if realisticaly my morale can hold up. Especially, if nothing ever comes to. I dont want to end up resenting her for never reciprocating. She is definitely worth waiting for. I dont know what to do. I want to run and hide somewhere, but I cant hide from myself. thanks for listening.
It can take a LONG time to get over someone you are serious about. It usually doesn't help to try to be friends during this time. Yes you can easily be friends once you ARE over her but while you're trying to heal, having her around can keep ripping open the wound. So don't be upset with yourself if this is hard.
You do deserve to be told REALLY what didn't fit. People don't break up because of tiny worries. They break up because something is really wrong. She doesn't want to hurt you - but it's worse being dishonest and not letting you know what the issue was so you can work on it or at least know. So sit down with her and have a serious talk and ask her to tell you what bothered her. Yes it might hurt but part of being mature enough to date is being mature enough to handle this talk.
Hopefully that talk will give you some closure and maybe even help you get through those issues. You can go off and work on them if they seem reasonable and show her that you are a growing, changing person (as we all are). You never can tell what the future will bring, but you do have to start by making sure you really understand and are honest about the past.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com