My Boyfriend's in Bad Company

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
My boyfriend who I have been with for four months now just moved in with his best friend. His best friend is a bad influence. In the past couple weeks my boyfriend has been treating me badly and saying horrible things to me. I think its because it's a new freedom for him and his best friend is pushing him to do things and say things.

Is this just a phase? Or should I hang on for the ride? Advice
It definitely sounds like your boyfriend is trying to impress his best friend and prove he's a "man". Unfortunately for him, he thinks being a man is about being a jerk. Women do NOT date jerks, jerks end up dating plastic dolls because they drive away all the real humans. I imagine your boyfriend's friend is jealous that you two are together and in a way is trying to drive you off so that HE can have your boyfriend all to himself and they can go out "boozing and wenching".

You probably can't tell your boyfriend to move out. And you are going to get into a power struggle if you get into a "your friend is making you act like a monster" situation. But you MUST stand up for yourself because it is your relationship you are saving. So you have to make it into a situation where your BOYFRIEND realizes he has to do what is right for him and not just what his friend tells him to do.

So just as if your boyfriend was a 2 year old throwing a tantrum, you have to be calm but firm. If your boyfriend treats you with disrespect, tell him "This isn't right," and cut him off. If he keeps it up, then tell him you'll have to talk to him some other time and hang up or walk out. The whole reason your boyfriend is doing it is to show off to his buddy. If you remove the "attention getting" aspect of it, he will realize he IS acting badly. If he has to choose between having you around and losing you because he's a jerk, he should choose the first! And if he would really rather be a jerk even though it's obviously losing him the love of his life, maybe some time alone will remind him why you ARE so important to him.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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