I Don't Trust Her with Two Certain Guys
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
Me and my Girlfriend have been together for about 2 months now. She is great, I love her more than anything and I've never felt closer to anyone.
The problem is, she is friends with a lot of guys. I don't mind most of them, but there are a couple that kind of worry me. Her ex boyfriend calls every now and then, and wants her to come drink with him, and there is this other guy who lives a couple hours away who calls her sometimes to "talk".
Im not worried about her, I trust her and all. Im more worried about the guys that call her. She is very nice and i don't think that guys understand women to be just friends. Some do, just not these too.
So the problem is, is that i don't like this two guys calling and trying to get with my girl. I've tried talking to her about it, but she doesn't really understand where im coming from. Do you have any ideas on how to help her understand me?
Relationships are about trust and loyalty. You say you trust your girlfriend. But then you say that you don't trust her in certain situations. And you're trying to tell your girlfriend "I know better than you do so do what I tell you to do". That doesn't tend to go over very well.
YOU may think that she can't handle those two guys - but obviously she believes she can. And since you can't put her on a leash and follow her around 24 hours a day, you need to be secure that she CAN handle not only those two guys but also hundreds of guys just like them! Because she is going to meet OODLES of guys in her life of all shapes and sizes. And she is perfectly capable of dealing with them.
Whether those guys can or cannot be just friends is not the point. Maybe they are sleazes and are thinking of using her. The point is if SHE is mature enough to handle the situation and tell them to stop if they get out of line. And if you don't trust her enough to say yes, then the relationship is going to have trouble. Because that thought leads to jealousy, leads to you not trusting her when she's out of your sight, leads you to not trusting people who are around her, and that is the way relationships disintegrate.
She has guy friends. That's fine. You don't approve of some of them. But you need to learn to trust her and her ability to handle the situation. If her ex gets out of line, she'll handle it. If he keeps it up, she'll tell him to get lost. But for you to tell her "sorry honey these guys are just too much for you" is saying that she isn't able to take care of herself - and once you say that about 2 guys what is going to stop you from saying it about ANY guy?
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com