Dreaming About my Ex
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
Alright, this is sort of involved... and I need some kind of outside advice on what's wrong with me. lol.
Ok, this guy who I had been friends with for awhile and I went out for about a month last year. We broke up and it wasn't a good breakup but we eventually got through it and are friends again. I cared about him a lot the breakup hurt me a great deal. Anyway, soon after we started being ok around eachother again I started to think that I still had feelings for him. So i tried to give myself some distance because it was really important to me to be over him. Well, I thought that I had gotten over him (again) and the idea of liking him was dismissed. But again, somehow, those thoughts came back and I found myself being confused with him again. Flash forward to about 7 months later and that same pattern is still going on. This is how I feel about him:
he bothers me soo bad, like everything he does gets under my skin and becomes all that i can think about. I don't like that, and it makes me frustrated with him. I've tried to hate him but can't because he finds a way to slip back into being ok with me again. i think about him a lot and I always come to the same conclusion that we can't be together again because he doesn't know what he wants. we flirt all the time but he does this with other girls too; he's been with other people since our breakup but always breaks up with the girls after a week or so, so it's nothing serious.
I feel like maybe if I knew what he wanted out of me that maybe i'd be able to move on- I have no idea if that would help and I have no clue what to do.
What's wrong with me? If i can identify why we can't be together and understand that why do I still daydream about us being together? why do I still like this same person after an entire year has gone by? It doesn't make sense to me, so please help!
It can become almost an obsession to find out "what I did wrong" in a relationship - if only so you know not to do it again. The problem is that real life doesn't work like that, it's not neat and clean. There are ALL sorts of things that destroy relationships, and very simply, many people are just not meant to be together! They're very natures can be irritating and as much as you love someone, you cannot LIVE with them as a partner. It's not that they are wrong or you are wrong, it's that you don't FIT.
There isn't any THING. It's just the way you two INTERACT. It's not like you can change to fit him, any more than he can change to fit you. You need to find someone who fits with you NATURALLY, the way that you are and the way he is. But in the meantime you have to learn to be happy with yourself.
I know it's been a year, but really, it can sometimes take a year to really get over someone - especially someone who stays in your life. So spend time with friends, spend time doing things you love. Concentrate on just being a happy person alone. You'll soon hook up with a guy who is really right for you *the way you are* and the difference will be just amazing.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com