I demanded more, he left



Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I am a 24 year old female and my boyfriend (23) split up with me after 3 years. We were in love we went on vacation we lived together in school we seemed happy, but I am a demanding person and I wanted a commitment for the future and pressed the issue.

When he told me he was scared I said that maybe we should break up thinking I could make him make up him mind. But instead he turned the tables and now he says I always wanted to have my way and that he is happy being my himself.

after 3 years I love him with all my heart and all my soul. So my question is How do I get him back? PS apologizing and begging as not helped its been 2 1/2 weeks!




RomanceClass.com Advice
Wow, you really have learned a valuable life lesson here!! Being with a partner is about fully ACCEPTING that person as they are, and not trying to change them. The minute you start trying to "squash and force" someone into being what you want them to be, you are actively destroying the relationship.

Not only did you want to force him to accept a commitment before he was ready, but then you tried to manipulate him into it by threatening to break up! So you proved to him that your solution, when trouble reared its ugly head, was to run away. That is not what anybody looks for in a long term partner.

If you are going to have any chance of getting him back, you are going to have to prove to him that you really have learned some lessons from all of this. That you accept his FULL ability in the relationship to be HIMSELF. Either you take him for what he IS, or you don't take him at all. He is the way he is, and you either accept that or you don't. If you accept it, then you can't be trying to change him!

I have advice on the site about having serious talks -

http://www.romanceclass.com/miscr/howto/hardtalk.asp

really sit down and talk to him, and listen to him, and accept the way he feels about things. If he absolutely refuses to talk, then ask him to come to just one therapist session with you to help YOU get through these issues. Maybe once he gets into the room with you and the therapist, and you begin talking, he will see you are serious and be willing to work with you on the relationship.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com





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