How to Ask Her Out

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
I guess its one of those "How to Ask Her Out" questions. anyways, im in my high school ROTC program and we're gonna have a military ball and we can each bring one guest. Anyway, since you cant come unless you're a guest or in ROTC, im pretty sure no one will (or did) ask her out because the only people she knows in rotc is me and maybe 1 or 2 other people. anyway, we're also in band together and i dont kno how to ask her. We are friends, but its still intimidating.

I usually see her in the band class but sometimes i see her outside. the thing is, shes almost always in a crowd, and that just makes it even more intimidating. I dont really want to ask her to the dance as girlfriend; boyfriend or anything, but just friends so we could learn more about each other. anyway this basically sums it up:

1) how do i get to explain to her that there is no pressure and that we could go as friends, without her saying no before i even finish?

2) How do i talk to her if shes almost always in a crowd?

3) how do i ask her without destroying our friendship if she says no?

thx for your time. Advice
If you're just asking her as a friend then it CANNOT destroy your friendship because friends ask each other to do things together ALL the time. So that should not be a concern. And if she's a friend, she isn't going to stomp on you with a NO before she even hears what you are saying!! So your main concern is how to get to her to ask her.

Definitely don't ask her in a crowd. You want this to be something she can think over and discuss with you without people listening in and making comments. If you're worried about people listening in and really truly cannot find ANY way to get to her alone, then write her a note. Say to her that the dance is coming up and that you think she's a wonderful friend. That you would be honored if, as a friend, she would keep you company at the dance. That way it's clear that it is a honor to you, but that it is just friendship and that you want company at a social event. Give her the note at the beginning of band so she can read it without the 'giggling crowd' around her and that will give her time to realize it's a friendly invite and to give you some sort of an answer when the class is over. But really this should NOT hurt your friendship at all! If a friend asking another friend to go do something was a bad thing, there wouldn't be many friends in the world!!

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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