Helping a Friend through a Relationship

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
I am a bisexual and am totally in love with my friend A, but she has a girlfriend. They seem to fight or disagree alot and A is always so confused about the relationship. I am also friends with her gf and only want them to be happy.

The thing is A seems to be giving me little hints that she doesn't think it is going to last, but then contradicts herself and says she thinks they will be together forever. I have been there for A through many fights and nights of uncertainty, but it hurts me to not know if I have a chance. I can't leave her now. I really want to be there for her.

One thing I regret in our friendship is that last night while I was at her house my instinct told me to kiss her good night, but she shrugged away from it. Help Advice
It is of course very common for people to feel confused about relationships! Everybody has ups and downs. The key is whether they GET THROUGH those ups and downs and work things out, or just give up. It's a really good sign that your friend is willing to keep working on things and try to make this relationship work. It means, if she DOES end up with you that you will get that same loyalty.

While kissing between friends is normal and healthy, she's also very confused right now. So she probably is very worried about sending you the wrong signal or cheating on her partner, both of which are very valid concerns. So I wouldn't obsess too much over her being uncomfortable there.

The best you can do is be there, be a friend and listen in. Do NOT try to push her one way or another. If you do you will always be labelled later as the "meddler" who caused them to break up (or stay together) even though they didn't want to. That is a really nasty position to be in.

Instead, be supportive. If she breaks up, you'll be there and you two will be very happy together. If she stays with her partner, you can still be a great friend. Love isn't always about "owning" someone. Love is often about really caring for someone and wanting them to be happy - even if they are happy with another person.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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