Taking a Break
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
i've been dating this guy at church and we really like each other, we even believe that this is the relationship that the lord has for each of us.
the problem is now he wants us to take a break, he wants to make sure and reestablish his relationship with God. I fully understand his reasoning and if you're not a christian you probably won't be able to understand this request. I want it to be right and I want it to be of God, you see he just recently as I have also got back into Church, he was an alcoholic and he wants to make sure he is stable.
I just want to know how can I be that friend he needs right now after we have been so close? It's really awkward and I'm not sure how I'm suppose to act. Can you help me?
On one hand it's easy to say "He needs time alone to think about this" - and that has nothing to do with him being a Christian or NOT a Christian. But the reality of life is that it is supposed to be about you and your partner facing the world together. That is ESPECIALLY true in the Christian faith, you are a team that bears your burdens as a partnership. If his solution when he has questions or doubts is to run AWAY from you, it is proving that he is having serious problems BEING a team. His question of "to date you or not date you" is, in the grand scheme of things, relatively minor. There are LOTS of more serious things in the world to face like poverty and disease and pain and difficulties. But here even in a minor situation he's running away from you. What does that say about his ability to face things with you when they are more serious?
I would definitely be there for him as a friend - but explain to him that part of what a relationship is all about is revealing your soul and having difficult talks ESPECIALLY when it is difficult. A relationship is not about running when it gets tough. It is not about hiding when it's too hard to discuss. It is about finding the faith and love and understanding and DOING IT even though it is hard. THAT is what allows you to survive the decades together.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com