My Wife is Going Out Too Much

Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Male
I am 32 years old and have been with my wife for the last 14 we have 2 great kids and a lovely house. the problem is that earlier this year i was made redundant from work so i went self employed however things have not gone too well and now our home is at risk.

my wife has a great career but cannot manage all the outgoings just on her wage. however over the last couple of weeks i have become really insecure and jealous of my wife. she has very close male friends at work but has recently started going out more with work colleagues to night clubs and the likes (places she would never go with me).

i have this tearing feeling in my heart, something i have never felt before and i dont know how to stop it. i love my wife dearly and would hate to loose what we have but i feel she is becoming distant. now is this because of they way i am acting or something else. i dont know. she also says to me that i am showing too much affection to her is this wrong? again i dont know.

any advice on what to do would be most welcome. thank you Advice
It definitely sounds like you two are drifting apart and that you need to take steps to fix it now. It's very normal for adults to have friends that they go and do things with - however that should always be IN ADDITION to the main relationship with the spouse. It should NEVER be instead of.

I would sit down with her and have a serious talk - I have helpful tips here -

and tell her you love her, and that together you can make this work. That you both need to make sure you spend enough time on each other, and aren't getting distracted by other ways of spending your time. Why not get a sitter and BOTH go out to the club? Find a hobby to do together. Her interest should be in spending time with YOU. If she says she'd rather go out with friends, ask her why, and again say that for the marriage to work, you need to make sure that YOUR friendship with each other is healthy and strong.

Don't scold her for going out, that will make her defensive. Instead, show her ways that spending time with YOU can be fun and show her you're willing to work at the relationship. Then ask her to put in the same amount of effort. Her saying you're too affectionate sounds like a symptom of her pulling away - and it's time to draw her back in.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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