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Love doesn't sit there like a stone, it has to be made, like bread; remade all of the time, made new. --Ursula K. LeGuin

My Ex is a Jerk

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I had been with my guy for almost 4 yrs. Recently he moved to another city but we promised we would still be together because we were going to marry when he came back. Without a reason, he started being a jerk by telling me I wasn't valuable at all ... then later he apologized (that was about 1 month ago).

2 weeks ago he told me he was a player, a thug. Of course I started asking why he said that, but he wouldn't answer at all. Later he told me it was all a joke (after I called him because he hung up on me). I told him I wasnt ready to take jokes like that because I was still hurt from last time ... all he said is that i get butt-hurt too easily.

I broke up with him for being so insensitive and uncaring and he still hasn't called, but i am not sure if i want him to ... I mean i still love him, I gave him my virginity ... I thought he was the love of my life :(

In the past he has been controlling at times but he promised he wouldn't be like that anymore and he sounded very serious. He is a really nice person with beautiful feelings (most of the time). I don't know if it is possible that he is acting so stupidly because of the friends he now lives with or is it the distance between us? I don't know what to do ... call him ... or does he not deserve my call ... should I ever get back with him ... I'm just dying of the pain.

RomanceClass.com Advice
I know a breakup is hard and you always feel sad and lonely. But believe me, this guy is NOT a guy you want to spend the rest of your life with. A person's true colors are not shown when they are in the 'throes of easy love'. They are shown when they are under pressure. When your guy is under pressure he's shown himself to be controlling, cruel, nasty and a cheater. Undoubtedly all those times he called you to say you were not valuable and that he was a player, he was off with other women. And then when those other women dumped him he went running back to you because you were his "safety net". And then another woman would come along and he'd treat you like trash again.

I would not only not call him, but I would not take any calls from him. He will only call you when his current fling dumps him and he wants to make himself feel better. You deserve MUCH better than this guy. Go out with your friends, go see movies you enjoy, take care of yourself. Give yourself time. Yes, it will be tough at first, but don't give in and go back to him!! You are a strong, wonderful person and a guy will come along that will make you feel very special. It will NOT be that jerk in the other city.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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Dump the jerk

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