This Older Guy is Using Me

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
hello, i fell in love with a guy who was 11 years older than me, i was 17 when we met and he was 28, i loved him so much. he wanted to marry me at some point but then he disappeared for work. Then he tried contacting me through a friend and through ppl because i changed my info, then finally he found me and seen me but than he vanished again. Then he came back again and then he met my parents and i met his, but then he was going through problems so we never got married, we only discussed it.

So now im 20 and hes 31 and we havent been talking for 3 months because of a huge argument, he been lying to me alot and confusing me. First he tells me that he wants to be friends than he would say he wants to be more, he would ask me to go to dinner and for me to waer tight cloths. So it really confused me. he always had to see me and had to hold pictures of me, he never told me he loved me.

so ever since that fight we had while we were friends he hasnt contacted me, but i blame myself becaue i told him that i hated him and that i wanted him out of my forever, and that i regret ever knowing him. I am now im stuck in love and i dont know what to do. plz give me advice, im scared if i call him he will hang up on me. How do i get him in my life again , what should i say or do without sounding desperate. plz emal me back. Advice
I know this will be hard to hear while you're in the painful throes of a breakup, but this is BEST FOR YOU. This guy was NOT going to marry you. If he was going to, he would have! Instead he found countless excuses to string you along, all the while admiring photos of you in tight outfits and getting you to come to dinner with him when it was CONVENIENT FOR HIM. When he didn't have time to admire you, he deserted you. He is NOT going to change, and you do NOT want a husband that is going to treat you like dirt!! What if you had kids and he treated the KIDS like dirt - would you really want your children to grow up feeling abandoned and neglected?

This guy, whatever his other qualities may be, is not reliable, dependable or trustworthy. If you get yourself back into his life he will be good for you for a little while and then harm you again. Right now it's only YOU he is harming. Soon it could be innocent little children he is harming. You cannot allow him to do that. Leave that phone on the hook and start going out with your family and friends. Persue a hobby that you're interested in. You will find someone who DOES respect you, who you can trust, and who will be the perfect partner for you in life.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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