The Rebound Girl

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
well things were going soo good! i'd finally gotten over this guy who i had liked for over a year... things were going good i was getting on with my life again.. and we both just stopped talking to each other. and getting over him was the hardest thing i've ever done in my life.

then all of a sudden one day on MSN messanger he says hey. and it was so unexpected because we hadnt talked for the loongest time. and he says hey whats up the usual and then he throws up "i really wanna hang out with you a lot more. honestly"

it took awhile for me to process this,and then i said what about ur gf. and hes like nope im single now and goes on about how happy he is that she's gone out of his life and all that when a week ago he was madly in love with her so he says.

i got really confused and told him i didnt think we should hang out because i felt like the rebound girl.. he said it wasnt like this at all

what exactly is happening here?

could this be something or am i just the rebound. because we had something good in the summer.. im soo confused help!!! Advice
I think you are incredibly wise to be cautious here. This guy was in love with someone else! And then *surprise* when he is left hanging and alone, he immediately runs back to his ex and says "Hey, remember me? You still love me, right?" That is CLASSIC rebound. No matter how much he denies it, it is pretty clear. He loved someone else. He was abandoned by someone else. He feels unloved and alone. So he wants to feel loved again. Easiest solution - get that love from previous lover.

If you guys had something good, it wouldn't have broken up. SOMETHING was wrong. Unless you address WHAT was wrong, it is going to go wrong again, even more seriously. So if you really want him back again, then work on being FRIENDS with him first, Talk with him about WHAT was wrong before. Don't just assume that things will 'be better'. Assume instead that things MUST be talked about and worked on if they are ever going to be OK in the future. Also assume that he is on the rebound and that what he is feeling right now is influenced by that. If in a few weeks he still feels that way, that's one thing. But what he feels right now is really suspect.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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