My Friend is Jealous
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
This is very complicated. Recently, I began to hang out with a male friend. We had a few dates and kissed, now here's how it goes ...
Last weekend I called my male friend and asked him if he would be coming to the party I was at. He responded with "Are there any other girls there?" I took this as a sign he was not interested in me other than a friend so I ended up kissing one of our other friend. He found out and got very upset with me.
I have tried to apologize, however he is distant with me. I miss my friend, how do I get him back?
Wow, he sounds VERY confused. I don't think you did anything wrong at all. Here he blatantly says to you "I want to look at other girls" which is rather rude even if you WERE just a friend to him. Guys treat their girl friends with respect even if they're not "romantic interests". For example if he went out to dinner with you he should pay attention to you, not spend the time scoping the bar and ignoring you. So for him to in essence say to you "Sure, I might go to a party with you, but are there OTHER girls there so I can ignore you and go check them out?" just wasn't right.
But OK you took it in stride, and went with him. And then naturally you looked for a guy to kiss because he'd made it clear that he wasn't interested in you. And then HE gets mad??? If he WAS interested in you, he could have at least been polite to you in the first place. Instead he was pretty rude! He wasn't even *neutral* with you, he was actively pushing you away. And when you naturally went away to someone else he got annoyed saying "Hey, you were supposed to know that I meant I liked you!"
It sounds like this guy really isn't ready for dating yet. If he should be mad at anyone, he should be mad at himself for being such a bozo in the way he handled you. If you go crawling back to him, he's just going to do it again because he doesn't know any better.
So I would tell him right out, if he wanted you to be with him, he should not have pushed you away. Make sure he realizes that he is the one that caused the situation. And then tell him you'll always be his friend, and leave it at that. After a few days he will realize how much he misses you and what a jerk he has been and HE will come to YOU and apologize. And hopefully he will learn his lesson and be better in the future.
But friendship is about honesty and communication, and about admitting when you are wrong. So it is 100% HIS responsibility here to apologize to YOU.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com