I Have a Crush
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
Hi, I hope to find some help here on my problem. I am almost 16, and a guy. I met this girl in sixth grade. Being so young and stupid, I had a huge crush on her(but then again I had a huge crush on every girl). Well, I didn't really have much of a crush on her through 7th and 8th grade. But me and her always remained pretty good friends in 9th grade.
But it was this summer when it all changed. She called me up one day out of the blue and asked me if I wanted to come to her 4th of july party. Well I did. And about a month later I went over to her house just to hang out. I started to realize just how much in common me and her have. I can talk to her about anything. well, after that, she came over to my house and hung out for a while. Then, the next weekend after that, she invited me over again. Well, this would be the last time for a while. I had the most wonderful time over there, me and her talked a laughed. I stayed over there almost TWELVE HOURS!
That night when I left I just knew something wasn't right. Me and her didn't argue or anything, but something just told me that I wouldn't hear from her in a while. Well, when school started the only thing me and her really said to each other was...."Hey," "hey", "so Whats up?" Nuthin much" And every time I would invite her over she would always be doing something else. I even invited her over this weekend and she said no. Me and her don't even talk much at all now!
I realized something last week. I AM IN LOVE WITH HER!! No I mean it, it is not a crush. I have had a huge crush before. But I have never been in love until now. I KNOW FOR A FACT I REALLY DO LOVE HER. She is the only person I could see myself with.
OH, what did I do wrong!! I would do anything to have her back. Everytime I try to talk to her she dosn't seems like she wouldn't care if I just dissapered. I cannot take it if I loose her!!!! I don't want to go out with her, I am too much in love. I would marry her, I love her so much. Why am I losing her? Waht should I do. Why is she acting this way? I would like to go over her house agin to talk it over but she always has other plans. Please HELP ME!!!!I can not take this much longer.
I know you feel very strongly about her, but it's not yet love. Love is when you have dated someone for months and months and know their good AND bad parts. It's not when you are head over heels in "must have her!!" emotions. Love is about when you truly understand all the faults in the person, and the down sides, and choose to accept all of that person as a total - and want to be with them even so. So you have to realize that right now you're in that head-over-heels stage that happens at the beginning of just about any relationship. It comes with the first few times of initial contact, when you see all the "good" in someone and dream about what could be.
The most important thing to have in any relationship is a great friendship, to talk freely, to keep that communication going. The fact that you guys have lost that is very telling. Why won't she talk? Why won't you talk with her? You're inviting her over but she won't even talk to you in short stages which indicates - why would she stay over for hours if she won't talk for minutes?
Rebuild that friendship up. Rebuild what you had, and try to work so you CAN see what real love is about. That talking is the key to what you need to do.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com