His Friends Bad-Mouth Me
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
Ok ready? I went out with this boy and it didn't really work out because his friends don't like me so told him stuff about me. Now we are "friends" but he never talks to me still because of the friends and he tells me hes sorry and wants to be friends when i get mad. i dont know what to do. I forgive too easily. And ive liked him ever since ive met him and i get jealous when i hear about him liking other people. I want to try it again with him but i dont want to get hurt and i dont want him to know i like him if he doesnt like me back. What should i say to him?
Well, part of it depends on whether the stuff the friends said was true or not. You always want to be completely honest with a boyfriend so if what they said is true, talk about it to him and explain your side. He has to be able to accept all of you - the good AND the bad. If the only way he can date you is to ignore half of your life, that's not very good. If you face what they're saying head-on, then they can't hurt you any more, because the things they say are already things you two have discussed.
If they're lying, well, they're really not friends of his then. Friends do NOT EVER lie to each other, especially about something important like a girlfriend. In that case, prove to him that they are lying, and show your honesty. Hopefully he's wise enough to choose a honest person over a lying one.
Once you sort that all out and lay the groundwork, then your friendship should be enough to go forward from. If you're a trustworthy, honest, open friend, and have fun with him, and you two can talk together, that's REALLY valuable. So spend more time together, and do fun things like going bowling and mini-golfing and so on. Enjoy yourselves! The more fun you have together, the closer you'll become. And you'll realize at some point that these things you're doing aren't just 'fun friend activities' any more, that they're becoming dates, without any stress at all about 'should we date again'.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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