why do i do this and how do i stop it

Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
I met this guy when i was 14 we fell in love hard.. we had never been in love before but we knew this was love and we were both head over heals we dated for five years and were engaged.. everything was wonderful then one sunday morning he woke up and was sitting at the kitchen table and said to me "im sorry but i cant do this anymore and left" just like that he was gone i hit the floor i felt as if my life was over.. Then we tried the whole lets me friends thing but really i just wanted him back i did everything i slept with him,spent my whole check, would go to his ever need and call when he needed and what he needed he had it at that time. Then he met a girl he told me about her and i hated it i tried so hard not to act like it bothered me but when he started answering her phone calls in the middle of sex i couldnt take it anymore i was at the point where i felt crazy and truely wanted help.. how could a man that loved me and held me at night for five years do this to me. why would he want to... i eventully got baker acted and was so scared after that day i didnt see him or speak to him again. i prayed everynight that god would bring him back to me i loved him so much and he was honestly my life and all i had.. One day out of the blue 8 months later he calls tellin me he sorry and crying and tells me to meet him at walgreens he wanted to see me... i was so happy i didnt know what to do i drove a million miles an hour just to see his face... when i saw him amazing we both cried and held each other and i thanked god for hours for bringing him back.. a couple days later he tells me he thinks were moving too fast and he dosent want to mess things up so i say ok then guess what he says kayla i just want to be friends ive never had a chance to do me and thats what i want to do... Why did he even come back why do i have to go threw this all over again.. Now we talk everyday and we still sleep togater but as far as just hanging out not so much anymore. i dont know why i do this and i wish i could just walk away but this boy is my life my heart and ive never wanted anything so much in my life... why do i do this to myself and how do i stop?

RomanceClass.com Advice
Wow, this is going to be hard, but you need to be very strong and stop seeing this guy. Completely. He is bad for your self esteem and it's not fair to you.

He calls all the shots and has all the power. This leaves you in a position of trying to accept the crumbs of attention he offers you. In a sense, that makes things even worse, since it says you do not respect yourself.

Do anything you can to move on. Talk to him if he calls you, but don't give him your heart. Don't reach out to him anymore, and certainly do not sleep in his bed. Make your life rich and full with other people - friends and family and hobbies. Read books about self esteem. Take yourself out to movies. Make yourself happy!

As time passes, you will get a sense of your own worth back and you will see how one-sided this has been. Good luck!

-- from Jill
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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