i need help with my insecurity
Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Male
hi there. first of all i am the jealous insecure one in our relationship. i have been with my partner for 8 years now and we have 3 beautiful children. i had a bad previous relationship and i suppose i am waiting for this one to fail too. at first our time together was bliss. absolutely amazing girl, we had our first child and life could not be any better. until i got a keylogger on our computer and found that she was on dating sites and casual sex sites offering her sexual services and had been on webcam with a guy doing whatever. i was distraught and confronted her, she said she didn't know why she did it. this was the start of my insecurity. shortly after i worked away from home for a weekend, came back to find out that my uncle was making his advances to her on a messenger internet program. he was asking what was her favourite sexual position and she told him and then he was getting more sleezey towards her. she confessed and this caused more problems. nothing happened since apart from a utility man was texting her asking to come round our home for a good time. again she told me this and how he got her number. then a few months ago we were getting on with neighbours and having parties and stuff really having a good time. until one of our neighbours made it clear that he wanted to cheat with my girl. he was texting her and clinging to her at Parties. then he text her saying meet me over the local market, what for i ask myself. she hid this from me, i only found out when we had an argument with these neighbours that it all came out. all this has ruined me. my head is completely shot. i adore my girl more than anything but she somehow attracts male attention in a way i can't handle. now she is wanting to go out with the girls to night clubs but my mind is working overtime. she says i need to trust her and let her go out and do things on her own but i will go insane with fear. i really need help please. i am so in love but feel so insecure. i need advice.
I don't think you are insecure without reason. She's not being a good partner to you by texting, IMing and speaking provocatively on dating sites with strange men. It's NOT normal behavior, no matter how attractive she may be. It sounds like she is not ready to commit to you.
You sound like a nice person who wants a loving, caring partner and a relationship that is honest among equals. I don't think this is the right partner for you. Since you have children together, it won't be a simple matter for you to move on. Find a therapist to see together if you have hopes this can work out. Or see a therapist (or religious counselor) by yourself if she won't go with you.
Unfortunately, this does not sound like something you will be able to work out with her, if after 8 years she is soliciting attention from other men. I wish you luck!
-- from Jill
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com