I'm Shy - How do I Meet Women?
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Male
I'm an only child, and have always been an introvert. For the most part I enjoy being by myself, but it can get really lonely at times. I have been in few relationships since my middleschool days, and most recently, a year long long distance relationship. She lives on the west coast, she lives on the east coast. We just came to the conclusion that things cannot work out between us at this stage in our lives, being so far apart. She really dreads the distance and wants someone close by to constantly do things with, and who am I to deny her that? It would be selfish. I just want to throw in here that we did meet in person, twice, and it was the most amazing 10 days each visit, that I had ever spent with someone in a LONG time. There was no shyness involved even when I was meeting her for the first time as we had been constantly talking over the computer and phone for months.
I get the feeling of loneliness a lot. I do not go out much except for College classes, or to see other members of my family. As I said I enjoy being by myself and doing things on my own. That said, I can get very lonely sometimes. I think my LDR relationship kind of filled that small void I needed. Now that it is gone it's made me realize a few things.
What the heck am I going to do with my future love life? I am really shy and quiet around people I have never met before, especially in crowds. I tend to always get feelings for the first girl who garners me any attention. I don't have a real question, rather just looking for advice to help.
I am slightly overweight which I am trying to convince myself is causing self-esteem issues and is why I feel much more comfortable speaking to people I do not know over the internet or phone. I am not positive that is the sole reason though. Part of me is afraid getting in shape will not be enough. I want to make friends, but I don't know how to begin with already being a shy introvert. More importantly, I want more female friends. I don't want to feel like everything I do around a female may be a decisive factor in whether or not I would get to date her in the future. I cannot get that way of thinking out of my brain.
Please help, as I have been dealing with these issues for years now, and I am already 20. I don't want to have long distance relationships for the rest of my life.
There are oodles of shy people out there, so you are not alone. The question then is how you get into situations where you feel comfortable and where there are single women around to talk with.
Think about the interests you have. Would you enjoy birding? How about jazz music? It should be something you enjoy, so you're relaxed. Now find ways to do those things in your local area. Try out a few of them. The first one or two might not be perfect fits after all, and that's OK. You're just experimenting and learning what your options are.
Once you find something you like, give it a shot for a few months. Get to know the people. You never know who you'll run into. Millions of people have found their partner in life simply by doing something they loved and then running into a compatible person who also loved that same thing.
I know it's hard to take that first step - but it's well worth it.
-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com