He Misses the Passion of Courting
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I met my ex boyfriend at work. i had just got hired and he was quitting because he was soon moving out of the country for medical school. we hit it off and we've been dating for 7 months. everything made sense for us to stay together and work it out for when he was ready to leave, still supporting each other regardless of the distance. he even extended to stay a little longer and start a semester later.
we are perfect for each other in many ways like our families, our friends, our personalities, especially our visions about life when it came to the future.
a couple months later i fell in love and still waited for him to reciprocate. he eventually told me if he can't fall in love with me, he's going to have to break it off. i know there's a lot he's dealing with and mentally he's always stressed out and hard on himself that he's starting school much later in life, and there's even times where hes contemplating staying in the US for other types of schools possibly because of me.
worst came to worst and we broke it off because he says the sparks aren't there and he couldn't fall in love although we have an extremely functional relationship. hes also mentioned in the past how difficult its going to be once he moves. we still care about each other a lot and have become good friends through out this process. he says i'm perfect in many ways but his heart just not in it.
is this because hes stressed about school? or maybe i'm pressuring him to make more of a commitment to me? he is 28 and i am 25 - marriage in our cultures usually come sooner than later. or when a man can't really fall in love, he means it?
in a perfect world for him is that he would have had his career started and we could have been more serious about being more committed to one another. another major factor could be our environment as well. i live in a tiny apartment with zero sunlight, and we are constantly here. its very dark and negative and i think it has effected our "spark" in a lot of ways. is this relationship completely over or there's hope if he has time to himself? please help.
All relationships tend to start with high-energy courtship and then fade to a more level kind of feeling. There's no way any relationship could maintain the high energy for years without burning out. So it sounds like your relationship has gone through that normal transition and he's worried about it. Plus he has quite a lot of other stress on his shoulders too.
I would not push hard at this point. Support his focus on school. Be there for him. There's no need to rush. School is important right now, and building your relationship is too. Show him that a relationship can be just as strong and powerful as it transitions into this calmer state. Show him that you can still be his rock.
Once he settles in to accept and realize that, I think he'll come around.
-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com