She Screams at Me - I Don't Mind

Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Male
We met last year and had an intensive relationship for about four months. She told me many times that she had been treated very badly in relations before. Her son (20) and her daughter (4) are from different men, she is 40 and I am 33. She was lovely, we had so many romantic moments and were like a family.

But all the time we had no sex. she told me that she is a quite careful person and needs time for being sure before it comes to sex.

Then suddenly after four months she stops all communication with me. I tried a few times to talk to her but she went aggressive. Without any reason.

I bought her Christmas presents but the contact between us ended up in a disaster.

Then I visited her mother. The mother told me that she is sometimes a very complicated person and I should give her some room.

After a few weeks I contacted her again and she screamed at me. I wrote an SMS that I will end all contact with her and that I will have my things back which were still at her home. She answered by SMS a few days later, I went to her home and a friend of her gave me the things. she screamed terrible "NO".

After that I have asked again talking to her.

Now after a few months without total any contact I went to the bar where she works. she directly came to me and the first words were: "If you had listened to my signals our relationship had never been broken". she was very friendly, handsome, totally switched.

I said that I still like her and that I am changing my job right now (for her as well). I said, "let us start contact again In 3-4 months." she said "okay" then I went home.

Please help me: I love her so very much and I can wait...What can I do under the meantime? Has she maybe borderline? Advice
I would be extremely cautious here. She wildly changed her personality. She screamed at you. She screamed at you again. Then she blamed YOU for messing up the relationship, because you didn't see the apparently invisible signals she was sending you. But she won't actually work on the issue. She wants you to go away for four months and then maybe she'll talk with you.

It's important to really look at this. What is it you love about her? Her screaming? Her hostility? Her inability to communicate? Is it just that she is friendly and handsome the times she is sane? That's not healthy, to love someone just because they look nice and sometimes smile at you.

I would highly suggest you find someone to talk with about this. Find out why you are so willing to accept screaming and hostility in someone who is supposed to be your "fellow shoulder against the world".

-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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